I've been trying to understand my addiction to this site. I have had many addictions before so I am well acquainted to behaviors that reinforce addictive behavior.  My early drug addictions were easily dispatched because, well I can't stand stupidity.  I dated many  lovely ladies, one was actually quite exceptional, but I was nervous and didn't deserve to be with her. She quite rightly so, dispatched me.

I met her at a bus stop, tall, lovely, intelligent. She had a fire, a presence I was not ready for. For some odd reason she was attracted to me. At the time I was extremely shy and self conscious. She was outgoing, extremely beautiful and socially contagious. I knew she was out of my league and she knew it too. I'm not sure how it happened but we had great conversation, I being shy, ignorant but possibly imaginative. She was, as I remember a Goddess, bright eyed, full of life, self assured and focused.

As long as she would have me, I was there for her. I took her to dinner in the best restaurant I could afford. I felt eyes upon me, questioning why is this outstanding lady dining with such an insignificant boy?  I knew, I neither had the experience nor the influence to ever hold such a beauty in my arms. Yet for that night I did. This lady had a heart of gold a soul of platinum, she was so warm,so in touch with my insecurity, but never being obvious, an absolute treasure.

To her I shared my internal thoughts, my internal being. I could see in her eyes disappointment in what I was. As I shared and explored who I was and what I stood for, I realized as great a person she was, we were not meant to be together.  But I knew this from the start.

I have many words and I have many thoughts, when my words don't betray my thoughts and my thoughts don't display the  words of what I am and what I believe, then their existence can only prove one thing. That we are never meant to be,