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On marriage and libido, from the other point of view.

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I started to reply to J's blog about marriage and libido.  Right after I ran around the house screaming and slapping my face for a few minutes.  I started to write a rambling, multicomment reply.  Since I'm home alone, overdid it yesterday and hurt my balls, and too emotionally exhausted to write directly about my own problems directly, will try to give helpful advice to a young couple.  I can be a "don't let this happen to you" cautionary tale deal.  My problems are totally different from J's, but that doesn't matter.  I don't mind spamming up the blog section lately.  There's been a lot of gibberish here.  I figure anything that has an idea and uses sentences should be good.  I'll start with my original comments below:  

 

 

Okay, welcome to my world. My wife had a big
loss of libido as well. We lasted a lot longer
than you did, but that doesn't matter. I think
the reasons for my situation were different
too. She had a death in the family and got on
a fairly high dose of anti-depressants. But
that doesn't matter either. My hygiene, as
I've said before, is impeccable. I literally
floss ten times a day. I wouldn't ask anybody
to put any part of my body in any part of
theirs unless I would eat scrambled eggs off
of it myself.  

 

My farts don't stink. In fact, they
smell like fresh baked chocolate chip
cookies. I still, however, discretely
move away or to another room. I'll still
crack one off (unless you're sleeping),
but you might not want to smell cookies
right then.  

 

 

You MUST talk to your man about hygiene.
I'm sure he's better at some things than
I and could tell me how to do them
better, but you must educate him. He
will do almost ANYTHING to get with you
now. I'm not suggesting you manipulate
him. I'm suggesting you use it as an
opportunity to better your marriage. If
you TOLD him to wash ALL OVER because
you'll be checking later, he will
FUCKING DO IT.  

 

 

Tell him you're going to
check under his toenails and behind his
ears. Do a RF Burton and turn off all
the lights, using a candle to inspect
every part of his body,
"accidentally" getting wax in
places where there's not too much hair.
You KNOW you'd want to do him if he went
through that kind of effort.  

 

 

Ask him to brush his teeth.  Telling him watching a man floss really well makes you feel sexy.  If you know he doesn't have moss breath, it would make you feel sexy.  You should never lie to your man.  

 

What's more, never, I mean never turn your man down for sex.  You're not obliged to be his sex puppet, but you're killing your relationship with a thousand cuts by turning him down like that.  Believe me, you don't want him stroking one out on the internet every night.  That's not scratching the right itch.  Jacking off ten times isn't as satisfying as having your wife there with you.  Insist on proper hygiene.  Then give him an old fashioned handy.   

 

"Honey, I'm not there in my head right now to do the whole foreplay, sex-a-thon thing right now.  I don't want you to be disappointed."  

 

Then flop him down on his back and give him a two handed HJ.  If you're doing it right, and he'll fucking show you if you ask, it'll take about ten minutes or so.  Take your top off and you could cut that time in half.  If you're really tired, and he's got no hang-ups about what's gay, stick your finger up his ass and you'll be done in no time.  

Ten minutes is not that much time to do proper maintenance on your marriage.  

 

If you want to make sure you're keeping equity in the relationship (and the value of that is becoming achingly apparent to me at this point in my life) do a Quid pro Quo with back rubs.  A ten minute back rub after dinner could be translated into a ten minute HJ before bed.  Everybody is fucking happy.

tomlet Uploaded 03/24/2011
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