In Australia we call it a DUI, Driving under the influence. I know its bad..evil even. So many deaduns', paraplegics, injured pedestrians and dead animals strewn along our dusty roads.

Even world wide. Its on the news all the time about reaction times and drinking, so many drinks slows your thinking and ability to operate machinery etc.etc.

I have though, on occasion, been known to operate machinery quite well under the influence of alcohol. Maybe even better than my normal ability. The driving is smoother and more enjoyable, signs seems to wave at you with an air of politeness instead of ordering you to, "do what you're told like the mindless automaton you are!". Squealing people move out of your way quickly instead of dawdling across pedestrian crossings like they normally do.

 In the lull between heavy metal thunder blaring from the speakers, the sound of the engine is sweet. No headlights. For some reason a few shots of rum give me the superhuman ability to navigate the dully lit city streets without the need for them. Maybe thats Batmans secret; and probably why he's so violent as well.

Some things just seem right, when you're tipsy, or drunk. People seem more amusing, life is simpler to manage. Police are even friendlier always calling you Sir and asking you politely to sit down, they never talk to me when I'm sober..

Motorcycling is so much easier, maneuvering at higher speeds then I would normally go, no fear of death, no need for a helmet, the power..THE SHEER POWER!!!

Even the ambulance driver spoke nicely to me, very softly and slowly. Yes I understood. No I can't feel anything. Yes, I'm ok to get up, my arm normally bends that way doesn't it?

The one downfall with drinking is that the world doesn't like you when you're sober, I don't know what it is, but the minute you're sober people feel the need to abuse you. Calling you an idiot. Telling you that your insurance will not cover this or that.  Where did that nice Policeman go? He seems angry now.

Anyway, seeing as we're at recess and my lawyer is crying in the rest room, I'm going to have a drink.