Jelly beans are fucking amazing. Whenever I'm feeling sad all I have to do is eat a couple of jelly beans. They're like little bite-sized sunsets.

My mom had a bag of jelly beans that were the worst thing I've ever tasted. I think some of the flavors were new car, cat shit, and maybe dingleberry delight. I don't remember where they came from but I couldn't stop eating them. I think it was kind of like how goths cut themselves. Now that I think about it, sometimes I stop changing channels when I find the most fucked up retarded thing on television and force myself to watch it. I think I hate myself.

But I fucking love jelly beans, well most of them. In a normal bag of jelly beans you have an array of delicious little orgasms. But what is with the black ones? Why do the blacks have to fuck up everything? What the hell is that flavor, 400 years of oppression?