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Filthy Fundamentalist Fucking

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"Don't read this! It is the most vile, satanic, hardcore, underage spiritual pornography EVER! It will, invariably, corrupt your soul!" -- The Lord Jesus Christ upon reading what is to follow this little gem that He shared with me (Pope Malcantor the Unpleasant), by means of the Spirit, on the Lord's Day.

"It is God's will that only married couples should have sex. If a couple saves themselves for marriage, they don't have to be insecure, as there can be no comparisons to former lovers! If you're terrible in bed, your lover won't know the difference. Your spouse will just think sex sucks. She will still indulge here husband, however, as her body is no longer her own (1 Corinthians 7:4*) This arrangement is excellent! It wouldn't even occur to an unsatisfied husband to be curious about other lovers..."

*You can trust that I was talking to Jesus because there's a Bible reference!

That said, nobody had better sex than the sex I wasn't supposed to be having as an 18 year old fundamentalist Christian with a LUST PROBLEM. That is a certifiable fact!

Now I wonder...

Is there a part inside of you shouting, "Hear, hear!?" Perhaps, you're one of those that is offended at the notion of sin being more enjoyable than righteousness. Or, do you merely doubt that this is so? Maybe, you went through all the emotional states as you read them like all my good demoniacs do (hear me snickering in your core!)...

..and let us walk the sacred halls of LUST!

So now, for a moment, imagine that you're a young man of 18 years. Since you've discovered masturbation at age 12, you've repented countless times. You've cried. You've asked for forgiveness. You've sat in silence, pondering God's Mercy. You actually consider how awesome it would be if you were struck by death before lust came again (no pun intended). It happens over and over again, every time you choke it...

Now you have to keep these, your most honest thoughts to yourself:

It doesn't help that when I go to church, my pastor is a schmuck and his daughter looks like a fuck doll in the making. I 'turn my eyes upon Jesus' the best I can--it doesn't stop the fire in my belly or the throbbing in my cock. But, still, I fight it. I go to the bathroom, tuck it in my underwear band, call on the blood of Christ while my dick shaft rubs pleasantly against the cotton fabric of my fruit of the looms...Crap! I hope Jesus doesn't tell my mother what I'm thinking!

Then your thoughts start talking to you in second person...

"You don't want to end up like the sons of Eli in 1 Samuel, do you? Do you desire to lay with the young women of the congregation? The pastor's daughter, even?"

"Maybe," you're thinking, "that's the still, small, voice of God..."

And it's that thought that makes your boner shrivel. "Thank you, God, for your grace and mercy yet again! Hallelujah!"

Now you're high on the Holy Ghost. You're looking forward to the Pentecostal revival on  Sunday Morning, and then it happens... All that Spirit-induced erotic moaning! All the orgasm faces! You have to take a peek at Pastor So-and-so's daughter... mmm...nice...

HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!!!! YOU'RE A PERVERT!!!!

Now, like Phinehas and Hophni, you are going to be struck dead. Congratulations!
Well, at least you've got excellent beat off material...


Okay, That might not sound like that great of an experience, but I didn't get to the actual sex part yet. I am, however, getting to it you dirty, dirty, dirty...

If you can't tell, I wasn't struck dead. In fact, I choked it, cried, repented, asked for forgiveness, sat in silence, and pondered, yet again, God's mercy/grace. I hadn't actually engaged in the act yet. I was still a virgin, and therefore, pure.

I don't know how to segue into this, so I'll just get to the hardcore, spiritually-corrupt act of premarital intercourse...

I was terrified, but I could not help myself. Here was a girl that I had witnessed to; I tried to win her for the Lord. I even brought her to church.

She was 17. While looking at the ground, with fear evidenced by her quivering lips, she verbalized her carnal desire for me. If God was going to take my life for anything, it was going to be for what I was going to do to her...

A few days--maybe a few weeks--passed before I took her. Fear was rising in me, but lust rose higher. I was Phinehas and Hophni. I literally believed I was going to be sucked into Hell. But, it didn't matter anymore. I was laying my eternal soul on the line. When God would decide to open that demon-portal, allowing those unclean spirits to drag me into eternal torture, I was not going out a virigin. In fact, I intended to make my last stand, fucking like that was all I would be remembered for...and I did.

The portal never opened, and I got more and more scared each time we made love. It only motivated me to do it better, dirtier. She fed off the energy, and it wasn't uncommon to see a demon-like blank lust in her eyes as she licked and rubbed her face against my shaft like it was all that existed and and all she existed for. We would 69, French kiss, tasting our own juices in one another's mouths. The for fear that it was over, we'd start fucking again and again in every conceivable position until exhaustion set in...

So, there you have it. The sex that Fundies shouldn't be having is fucking AWESOME! (Almost makes me wish I was a Puritan.)

*It just occurred to me that Jesus, in his blurb, admitted he was a corrupt soul, and is holding me liable! 2 points if you noticed that before I mentioned it. -2 points if you looked at it again and still don't know what I'm talking about.*
augusthovel Uploaded 04/26/2011
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