First, first date in almost 20 years
Went out with Lisa. She's also got two kids. She's not divorced, but her husband has been absent for several years. He still supports her and her two kids, but he's off doing his own thing. She sees him on occasion and knows his girlfriend. It's kind of a weird situation.
Lisa is older than I by a few years. She's got a daughter that just turned 18 and a son that's 6. The son was a surprise after she was told by a fertility expert that her first kid was going to be her last.
Her son was one when her husband started doing his thing. It fucked up the family so much that he lost his power of speech when he was three and was incorrectly diagnosed with autism. He's fine now after specialists intervened.
We had one drink each (I had a Herradura 'rita and she had Carbernet Souvingnon with a glass of ice). We split a combination plate of chile relleno, tamale, and a cheese enchilada. Turns out she doesn't really like Mexican food and was only accomodating me. We talked for three and a half hours. It seemed like an hour.
We parked in different parking garages at the casino. I walked her to her car and she drove me to mine. I kissed her before I left. Nothing heavy. No groping or probing tongues. Not exactly a kiss you'd give your sister, but nothing heavy. It was nice.
She told me to call her to go out again.
She looked really good. She's got a great body. She's got a really heavy Philly accent. It's weird, for a guy that has an insane libido, I have no interest in making a move on her. I'm in a weird place where I'm not even libidinous. Like I said in an earlier blog, it's the holding, touching, and sharing that I really miss. I don't think that makes me less of a man, I'm practically 80% fuck by body weight now.
It's weird, having a nice date with a regular person whom I kissed on the mouth made me feel more like I was cheating than the tourist I ape fucked several weeks ago.
Had it out with my wife again today.
She said weeks ago that she hoped that we wouldn't hate each other after the divorce. I explained in no uncertain terms why I didn't think that was possible.
I hate her for nailing me with this shit when I was too weak emotionally and physically to defend myself. I also told her if she didn't tell the kids the divorce was my fault because I got mad one time and took naps while she was awake, I wouldn't tell them that it was her fault because she wanted to fuck a bunch of different guys. I hate her for blaming the whole thing on my parenting and husband skills and not admitting to herself that it was mostly about her and her desire to live a new and exciting lifestyle that didn't include a husband and kids.