i kind of missed this. been gone for awhile. got a bit busy with life and had to shuck this......luxury. my thoughts building up like great big piles of shit in the corners of my mind and finally i brought myself to come get a mental colonic. i missed some of yall. others, not so much. how has everyone been? i have simplified my life in some aspects and complicated it in others. and as life sometimes tends to do, i have been through some painful moment since we last spoke. my idol,  the man who which i modeled my life to be like died. my father was 75 years old and died in my house, upstairs in his room from a massive heart attack. the ideal man, was never sick, never in too much pain. my mother discovered him. he had started to sleep in alot so she didnt think anything of it when he still wasnt up at 10 am. i miss him. he has been dead a year and i think of him everyday. EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY. it is really hard without him. i can never be the man he was, he was great  and i am just hoping to be a fraction of who he was. we cremated him because he didnt want everyone "making a fuss" over him. we still dont know what to do with him. i dont really want to get rid of his remains. stupid, i know, he is gone. dead. forever. but to hug him once more.....hear his voice.....share a laugh with him......

love is a terrible and great thing all at once.