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Pound it, Bro

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After a 57 week hiatus, I have returned to eBaum's World--Not that I did a whole hell of a lot while I was active, but still--And I thought I would signify my return with a little story.  Put on your plaid jackets ladies and gentlemen... we're heading north.
Summer has arrived in a sleepy little town in northern Alberta; The sun is shining, the grass is growing faster than I can cut it, and the lakes are filled with the humming of boats and jet-skis. On a particular evening one weekend, I decided to head down to the local bar to get a little rowdy with the Indians. The sun was setting, and the air was warm and muggy... Beautiful. Or, as we say up here, "fuckin' beauty eh." I sat down with some friends and ordered a whiskey. It was gonna be one of those nights. I scanned the premises for dirties, only to be disappointed with the lack of talent. When just then, someone caught my eye. 
She was short, curvy and pale, with dark hair that sat messily around her decent face. Ok, it looked like she cut that shit herself, but still. I recognized her as the sister of a guy who's currently dating my buddy's ex. And she works there. But not tonight... She was dressed to kill. With those four-year-old high school sweatpants and the Children of Bodom hoodie that smelt like weed and seven layers of cheap perfume, I knew that she was the one. Not THE one, but the one that I was gonna drag back to my cave and exchange pleasantries with. Little did I know what was in store for me.
We talked for a while, and drank... A lot. After stumbling around town for a while, she realized that I wasn't finding my own way home. I didn't even remember where I lived at that point, and I had kind of banked on sealing the deal with someone so I had a place to sleep. She brought me back to her brother's house where we descended into the dark, cramped basement. After smashing into every god damn shelf and dresser in the room, we finally found the bed. 
She rolled over and started going to sleep... Oh yeah... She wanted it. So without any hesitation I maneuvered my hand to the Danger Zone. She resisted, but I was steady. She said "No, I have a boyfriend you drunk fuck," but I was determined. I slid one finger into her warmth, and she was instantly aroused. "Right on" I thought, as I slid another in. And then, it dawned on me. 
No, "dawned" isn't the correct word. I had a "disturbing, instantly-sobering realization." My two fingers are touching only one wall. I uneasily slid another in while she moaned in pleasure. Uh-oh. Three deep and still plenty of room. It was at this point that I became aware of the awful situation I was in. But what could I do? She was enjoying it so much... I had to keep going. The fourth finger went in with little resistance. She screamed in pleasure. Before I knew it, she was holding her legs straight up in the air, and I was donkey-punching her cervix like an angry male pornstar in some kind of trashy porno destined to grace the efukt homepage. 
After a few minutes of uncomfortable fisting, I decided to put and end to the freak-fest. She snapped out of her horny trance and went to sleep. I lied awake for an hour with my moist hand resting awkwardly at my side. The basement didn't have running water or paper towels, which was fuckin' awesome, so I had to wash the shame off my body with sandpaper pumice soap when I got home. I then proceeded to shower till I was raw.
But you know what they say... The worst nights can sometimes be the best stories. It's good to be back.-Slayer
nerdslayer Uploaded 07/20/2011
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