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My Stay at the Hostpial

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So I'm layin in my hospital bed surrounded by bouquets of whopper wrappers put together by my little chicken wing. I was enjoying the smell of them, when two male nurses stop at my doorway.  "Wow slackjaw, you weren't kidding!"  said one of em "I told ya sparks, this guy looks like Osama Bin Laden swallowed a cooper mini!" said other.  I thought I'd  give these two fuckers something to really talk about, so I pulled out my bedpan out from under me and whipped it at em!  They both ran off screaming "THE STENCH OH GOD THE STENCH!!"  As I laid back and got ready to jerk off to an episode of Iron Chef, I heard a knock at the door.  "Mr.Infamous, I'm nurse Neko, and I'll be giving you your sponge bath."  said the nurse.  She was asian, and  wearing cat ears.  Seemed kinda weird to me, but if she wanted to take her life in her own hands by cleaning out my folds, who the hell am I to judge?
"I saw a girl in here yesterday making bouquets out of hamburger wrappers.  Who was that?"  "That's Tyaeda, my little chicken wing", I replied, "We've been to hell and back together.  It's been kinda rough, but I think we'll be alright from now on."  She gave me a strange look.  "Please!  You could do way better than her!   Why don't you give me a go?"  she asked fluttering her eyes.  "I'm flattered, but I'm a one woman man."  I said to her, but it seemed she wasn't gonna take no for an answer.  She jumped on my belly, and started to batting at my man tits like they were balls of yarn. "Cummon baby, once you go asain cat--"  "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??"  Shouted a super pissed Tyaeda from the door.  Last time I saw her this mad was the time I accidentally sat on her nephew.  "Baby, this isn't what it looks like!"  I tried to explain.  "I heard the conversation from the hallway, I know you weren't gonna cheat on me my sweet butterball", said my little tater tot, "But you!   Get the fuck off my man right now before I get you spayed!"  Neko jumped off my stomach and starting hissing "You can't  stop me bitch, this is MY section of the hospital!"  This pissed Ty off, cause nobody hits on her man, or calls her a bitch.  She cocked back her fist and punched neko so hard, she went flying out the window.  Luckily, she landed on her feet, and ran off.  Tyaeda ran up to the shattered window and screamed "You better run ya little cunt!"\
"Ahem!"  Both Tyaeda and I spun around to see a perplexed doctor.  "What happened here?"  "Well, there was this nurse named Neko...."  I began explaining "Say nor more", the doctor said, "Shoulda fired her a long time ago.  We have the results of your tests Mr.Infamous.  I think your girlfriend should sit down for this"  Ty looked at the doctor with tears welling in her eyes "Oh my god, is my gorgeous glutton  gonna be alright??"  "He's not in any serious condition", replied the doctor, "In fact, I'm astounded how a one thousand pound man could be in such good health.  There is however one thing that baffles me.  My little chicken wing and I exchanged looks  What could possibly be wrong?
"We did the tests two hundred times, and each time they came up positive.  This is definitely a mile stone in medical history."  Stop fucking stalling and just tell me already!"  I shouted at him looking for something to throw.  "Well, you see Mr.Infamous.....You're pregnant."
lard_infamous Uploaded 08/03/2011
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