Yes folks, hell is hot. The best I can figure, Texas must be hell. It has long been the residing place of the Hell Hound according to resident lore and recent events seem to confirm it.
Not only had Texas been hotter than blue blazes since the first week of Spring, it seems that most of the state has been in blazes. In fact, the blazes in my general area continue in spite of the air drops by DC-10s. Though we got a reprieve from the heavy smoke and ash earlier today, the smoke is moving back in. It's hard as hell on the respiratory system.
I've long had a theory that G.H.W. Bush was the Antichrist and G.W. Bush was The Beast, but the flames didn't start until Rick Perry started preparing for his run for presidency so I may have to revise my theories. Of course, the flames could just be from all the KKK members holding their "cross lightings" in celebration of Perry making a run for office. It's really hard to say. Whatever the cause, it has certainly made Texas prime real estate for hell.
Everyone watch as Rick Perry rides Widow-Maker to the White House. The latest news is that he has a plan for NASA to recover Slue-Foot Sue whom he found was lucky enough to grab hold of the side of a crater on the moon and has been surviving on the green cheese ever since.
Texas would make a great place for hell, really. With all the miscreants who have moved into Texas in the last few decades, most of the eternal residents are already here. Add to that all the independent preachers who preach the opposite of what Christ lived and taught, and there are many more who have been brought into the flock of the hell bound.
The size of Texas makes it a good place for hell, too. All those wide open spaces leave plenty of room for condemned souls. It should at least be big enough to hold all the television and radio preachers who try to swindle the working poor out of their retirement and Social Security checks by promising that Jesus will make you rich. It's the largest state in the United States regardless of Alaska's claim. Anyone who lives in Texas can tell you that Alaska would fit in the panhandle if you melted all that snow.
Now, I can't PROVE that Texas is hell, but with all the fire and oil in the state, it's already set up for Jesus to come and banish the souls to. It's already hot and warmed up, so be looking for Him to come through the clouds any time now. With any luck, the meteor from the sky will hit soon and the fun can begin!