Poopy's Exciting Adventure!
my name is Piepo Optrium. my life runs like mega computer, each movement is planned and assessed months in advance. i waste no opportunity whether it be a saving money on my food bill or a tax break on my second home in California. every second i am alive i am making money, saving money, shaping the world around me. i see shares rise and fall in my mind. i see investment opportunities, statistics like a musician sees musical notes. i hold one of the highest positions as a trader on the New York stock exchange. i am a social animal, never a wrong word, there is never a person i can not sway. my life is perfect... i hate perfect...
anyone that meets me would not link me to "poop" an online legend that is considered "a bit slow" i say stupid things and talk about poop all the time. it feels so good to just let it out, such a contrast to my real life. so simple and refreshing. the thrill of being linked to such a person and possible humiliation makes it even more fun. dont get me wrong, im not the kind to like to be beaten and humiliated or wear a baby costume and get breast fed by some fat old lady. i just like the escapism from my perfect life that suffocates me with its ballshit.
my blog is done and i ride to work in my Porsche, this thing can go to 210mph but i have never gone past 70. i travel to work in my polite way, letting other drivers out and ignore the bad drivers. i listen to classical music and think about the day of trading ahead of me. i pull up to the New York building and a valet takes my car, its great to be alive.
i give a polite nod to my secretary Nina who passes my mail and messages. i thank her and walk into my large office that over looks Manhattan. i see all the cars and people below, as i look across my empire, numbers and possibilities flash lightly through my brain. i open up the folder for todays portfolio, a merger of Portland pharmacy with Oreando. Orionsteel and Pearsland. then i see it. the take over of all the traders in little Hampshire, all the shops, all the bars, restaurants, diners, everything. they had acquired it all slowly over the years and now owned it all. they planned on turning it into a shopping centre and suburbs. this was not new in my line of work but the place was not either. it was where i was born and brought up, a sleepy small town where everyone knew each other and where my friends and family lived. it was where i kept my soul and my memories, it was my home. down by the river i made dams with my friends and later where i kissed sweet Anne Tyler for my first time. all the warm memories of standing by a big fire, singing with the rest of the town whom i had known all my life at christmas.
i look around at my oversized executive office with the fantastic view, my oak desk, and down at my designer suit with my 1000 dollar shoes. all this had no soul... i didnt want all these things really, they looked cool and it was tangible proof that i had made it, not to show off, but for myself. i didnt need other's approval, just... well what was it all for, im rich but unhappy...
i had not had these thoughts of home for a long time and suddenly i feel like a traitor to my true beliefs. the folder that i hold in front of me is the test to whether i have sold out on my dream completely. with a crazy notion i take the folder and walk out of the office, past Nina who looks up shocked at my break of routine, down to the street. i didnt know what i was doing, i just had to get out... i walked down the street, watching all the people walk past. i wondered about their lives and what was important to them. for the first time in years i was lost, things were unplanned, not in control, it felt kind of good, but unfamiliar and frightening... i paced back and forth thinking things through in my mind, the award ceremony for my degree, the extra curriculum activities, class president, charity work in my holidays. the break given to me from a friend, putting me in my first job, rising quickly through the ranks, working hard and networking with the right people, all for this future, all for what i have now. but i have nothing, i am just a machine, running the system. i have no friends no partner... i hear a squelch... i look down and realise i have stepped in dog excrement. symbolic of my life? i have a brainwave and walk back into the office building. with the excrement still on my shoe i walk through the main hall on the expensive carpets and into the elevator, by the time i reach my office, it has all been left in a bee line on the office carpets. i hear uproar in the background as it is discovered. i ignore it as i have work to do...
i walk past a starring Nina and access my computer. i change all the records so that money is injected into the small businesses rather than them being liquidated. a lot of money... the economy will be given a life line package to develop it however THEY choose, not the company. it will cost the company millions and after i transfer the funds and sign it over it cannot be taken back. everything is tied up in this company, i will lose everything and probably end up in jail. as i hover my finger over the enter key, i am at point of no return. i press enter. it feels good. i walk out of the office telling Nina to take the day off. i feel more real, more alive with every step i take.
i find my car in the car park and turn on the radio pendulum is playing - the other side. i put my foot down and pull away from the curb with a screech. always wanted to do that. i open her up to 70. i go faster, darting through the traffic. the synapses in my mind sparking off in overdrive as i zig zag through the traffic. Flashing blue lights reflect in my wing mirrors, the driver signals for me to pull over but i am too far gone, all the adrenaline pumping through my system, i dont give a fuck, this life, this adrenaline, shooting through my body like crack.
i considered how my life had changed since pressing that enter key on my computer. beforehand, it looked like velverty-soft rose petals. afterwards, it looked like a bulldog eating mayonnaise and it was great! the raw no ballshit version of my life had started. if i want to fart i will if i want to act like a jerk, i will. if someone annoys me i will tell them to go fuck themselves. no more need for social grace. my mind stretches after its release from the world of being up tight, careful, controlled and calculating. it wanted to fly free... Fuck Yeah!