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I am unpopular in the blogs and don't pretend to think otherwise. However, this phenomenon interests me nonetheless. People claim that my writings are rated poorly due to me being a terrible writer and/or a douche. Which is fine, but I did some investigative work to understand what exactly people enjoy. For you see, the rating isn't a reflection of the respective writer's talent, but the opinions of those who read his/her blog.

First off, I will explain how people have sorely missed the point of my last two blogs.

Why Spiders suck ass and should be purged from the Earth.

This was a work of satire. When I'm not busy writing, I spend the rest of my free time not giving a shit about spiders. Spiders were merely a subject that was easy to portray as evil, as the fear of spiders is a very common one. The reasoning within the blog was so blatantly irrational that I had assumed you would understand that it was, in fact, a joke. I seem to have been mistaken.

This was how I hoped people would interpret the blog:

"Wow! His logic is so flawed and built upon ignorant pretense! Wait a second... I have fears like that. OH! He was showing us how fear is always based on inherent misunderstandings of the subject being feared. Gee-wiz!"

This is how it was interpreted:

"Wow! This guy is a pussy! I must enlighten him to why he shouldn't fear spiders to perpetuate the illusion that I'm an intelligent being on the internet! No need to thank me, BFP! Now please excuse me while I put my head back up my ass."

Thanks for showing me the light, dipshits.


This is a particularly hilarious example due to the fact that its tags explicitly stated "satire" along with "but-you-wouldn't-know-that-if-it-bit-you-in-the-fucking-dick." Most of you jumped the gun and probably didn't even read past the first paragraph. Illiteracy or idiocy? I believe some sad combination of both. However, I don't know if all of you are really to blame. Maybe I do come off as someone who commits assault, child abuse, public intoxication, jaywalking, public indecency, and public defecation on a daily basis. It's completely illogical, of course, but logic doesn't seem to be this audiences forte.

This is how I hoped you dumbfucks would interpret it:

"Well, this one's point isn't very clear, but I can gather that it has to do with him sarcastically embellishing his ego using absurd humor, as I have an IQ with three digits in it."

This is how you dumbfucks interpreted it:

"What an arrogant asshole. How dare he have the NERVE to give me the middle-finger and tell me to enjoy my shitty day. 1-Star! This is terrible. I hope you blurrblablablas Oh god, oh god, my mouth is overflowing with fecal matter."

Onto my next point...

What DO you enjoy? Well, let's look at the first page and see what has a 5-star rating.

Oh, look at that... a blog about how abusing women is bad.

Thank you, SpaceEagle. Were it not for your blog, I would have, in fact, leaped down my stairs, ran to the kitchen, and viciously beat my girlfriend with the chain that keeps her bound to the stove. Afterwards, I would've thrown my fists in the sky and cursed God for not sending someone as enlightened as you to tell me that violently beating my girlfriend to a pulp is a bad thing. I'm glad you did, though, as her cooking is delicious, and it would be hard for her to cook with multiple broken bones.

What else, what else...

A blog about a meticulous description of shit. Fantastic.

Next up, "Very strange..."

This is an ego-masturbatory blog about how generations see later generations as stupid. Man, big fucking shocker. It's not the message that disgusts me, as trite as it is. It's the way it's conveyed, which is with an air of perceived superiority*. An air furiously expelled from the foulest depths of blogger anus. Also, it seems to be that a blog's rating directly correlates with how many silly pictures are in it.

This is a picture emphasizing my surprise when the blog section has deteriorated to such simple forms of humor.


Hilarious, right? 5-star worthy? I think so.

What you insipid morons fail to see (which I don't blame you for, as your sight is being blocked by your intestinal lining) is that you have effectively constructed a fortress of self-satisfaction behind your walls of pretense. Inside this idiot fortress is a massive circle-jerk of misplaced pride with  whatever modicums of intelligence you may have. You don't see past it because you're in it. Such is the nature of, you guessed it, delusions. The only one that is on my level is rednote. Because arguing with him is akin to me yelling at a mirror. Granted it is a carnival mirror since the reflection is fat, ugly, and old.

Now, please, assimilate into the cohesive mass of dumbass and feebly attempt to berate me. Rally behind rednote, insult me, rate this 1, and thumb down my comments as if it proves your point.

I am waiting.



BFP2 Uploaded 09/13/2011
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