the most butthurt blog ever...
original author, Sam, A.K.A, fred_savage
So i'm a member of a certain website and this website has a chat
feature. I had been a member of this website since 2009 but it wasn't
until around June of 2011 that I decided to try out the chat room. Chat
rooms are for lonely dejected losers I had thought to myself prior to
June but I was still getting over a failed relationship so I thought I
would go hang with some like-minded individuals. I came into chat and
everyone was talking as if they knew each other well and I found it hard
to break the ice as everyone I knew on the site was too cool for chat.
When I noticed the cam icons I started clicking them and it made me
laugh to see what certain members of this website looked like behind
their avatar persona's. Eventually I clicked the cam of the most
beautiful girl I had ever seen who I shall refer to as "girl x". I
couldn't believe a girl so beautiful was hanging out in a chat room. I
can not reiterate how stunningly beautiful she was. She was 30 but only
looked 25 at most, had the most beautiful bone structure, every feature
on her face was perfect. I had a crush on her from the moment I saw her.
I would come into chat everyday and everyday without fail she would be there. She lived in California which meant she had an 8 hour time difference. I would wake up at 8 every morning just to get an hour or two with her. Sometimes she would stay up all night seeing as she had insomnia and I would enjoy talking to her and flirting with her at around midday when most of the chat room had cleared out. Trust me when I say that it was nigh on impossible to talk to her when the chat room was full. She had so many admirers that it was kind of irritating trying to talk to her one on one. Eventually I managed to flirt my way to the top and I was the clear favourite among her admirers. We had kind of developed an online relationship at this point. There was strong attraction between us and it was clear that it was getting stronger.
I would get so jealous of other guys in chat flirting with her. It was at this point I started getting an unusual stomach ache occasionally when chat was full and I couldn't speak to her properly. It felt like my stomach was twisting and contorting and got so bad at one point that I would gag from time to time. I went to the doctors about it and he told me it was caused by anxiety. Eventually she suggested we go into private chat together on cam. I was nervous but had drank a whole bottle of white wine at the time so was feeling particularly relaxed and talkative. I switched on my camera and she was really pleased to see me for the first time. She seemed genuinely pleased at my appearance which made me happy.
We spoke all night long until the early hours of the morning. Because of my partially inebriated state I found myself full on seducing her as opposed to the idol flirting we had done previously. We discussed her coming to England to see me at some point and even though we were both adults living in two different country's we set logic aside and declared our love for each other. I could see that there would be difficulties ahead so I tried to set some things straight at the same time. I said that if before the time she came to England she met someone or slept with someone that I would understand providing I never found out and that I would do the same for her. I now realise that this may have sounded bad, like I was intending on sleeping with people. But I was just trying to be a realist. I also suggested that we keep our online relationship a secret to prevent being trolled and so it did not alienate other chat users who also had a crush on her.
We went in private chat a few more times and would private message each other in main chat saying how much we loved each other. A couple of times we went into private chat on cam and discussed really personal stuff only to realise that we were still in main chat and everyone could hear what we were talking about. It was so embarrassing but also quite funny. When we returned to main chat a friend of ours was declaring to the room "they were in private cybering" and "they're in love". As much as I enjoyed secretly gaining the affections of the object of everyone's desires I also got a kick out of people knowing that we had a secret bond together. It was around this time we were really falling hard for each other.
One day in main chat I told girl x that I had hurt my back at work and she sent me a message telling me how much she wished she could be there to rub my back and told me how much she loved me and wanted me. She accidentally sent this message so that everyone in chat could see it then looked shocked and turned her cam off. I was surprised that she had reacted that way seeing as people had their suspicions about us being together anyway and it wasn't the end of the world. I asked why she had reacted this way and another guy in the room "guy y" said "she's embarrassed because she meant to send that privately". It turned out that she had been talking to that guy before I started using chat and although they weren't as serious about each other she hadn't quite "broken things off" with him yet. I knew they were close friends but I didn't realise how close. Even though it hurt my feelings to think that she had been talking to this guy at the same time as me I let it go telling myself that I was the one she wanted and I was the one who had stole her from him inadvertently. I felt sorry for guy y if anything but cared for her too much to make a major issue out of it.
I noticed certain people who had previously not came in chat before had started frequenting chat when they discovered that a hot (single as far as anyone knew) girl was in there. I noticed a certain guy was paying her a lot of compliments although it was nothing new as everyone who saw her had a crush on her. I shall refer to this guy as "guy x". One day she sent him a message that contained the phrase "I love you" in it but had clearly meant to send it privately. I was enraged. This time rather than being embarrassed she played it off as nothing even though from the content of the message she clearly had feelings for him. I told her I was leaving the site forever and that she had broken my heart. I created an alternate account and started lurking in chat to see what they were saying to each other, only to discover that they were now openly declaring love for each other in main chat. It hurt so bad that my stomach aches returned to the point where I would occasionally throw up.Even though she had treated me badly I eventually started coming back into chat. I told her that I misunderstood our situation and read it as something more serious than it was. It clearly was serious from the things we would say to each other but I didn't want to let her know she had hurt me so badly.
Even though we resolved matters I told her that I had no interest in being friends with someone who had broken my heart in this way and she told me that she hadn't meant to break my heart and didn't realise that I had taken things so seriously. She had taken things just as seriously as I had but chose to use ignorance as a defence. I still loved her but hated her with a passion at the same time. They would constantly send each other loving messages in main chat for all to see. I was previously friends with guy x which made the pain that much more intense. I knew that guy x wasn't going to take things as seriously as I had though so I remained in chat partly to watch their relationship slowly decline. After a while we sort of became friends again and she said she would still be coming to England and wanted to meet me. I would then get sick satisfaction from "cybering" her discussing all we would get up to when she was here behind guy x' back.
At one point it came out that girl x had sent some very unflattering naked pictures to guy y and in his anger at being dropped for me had published them on the internet. She was devastated. Another former "friend" of hers had published them on her facebook wall so she shut down her facebook account. This former friend came into chat one day and guy x had managed to get his personal information and trying to be a white knight started posting this information in chat. At this time girl x was a moderator for the chat room. She seemed elated at the fact that guy x was getting revenge on the former friend who had embarrassed her. She later lost her moderator position for not banning guy x for posting personal information. I was angry that she was so near sighted as to think that posting personal information was a good idea. When I aired my concerns and told her I thought it was a ridiculous way to behave she said something like "then leave chat if you don't like it".
This was the last straw. I felt hopeless. She had been unfaithful to me emotionally and revealed herself to be a horrible person and still I loved her. I couldn't take the fact that as far as anyone knew she had done nothing wrong and even after the way she had behaved she had the gall to tell me to leave chat after I was just looking out for her best interests. I went away and wrote a blog much like the one above confessing the whole story and saying how we had been "cybering" behind guy x' back. Everyone in chat turned against her and any time her and guy x would come in chat people would call her a slut and post links to her nude pictures. I was really happy that everyone finally saw what she had been doing and disapproved. Loads of people congratulated me on my blog. She had gone from being the most loved chat user to the most hated. She hated me for writing that blog but I pointed out to her that if she didn't like being revealed for who she is then she should change.
Eventually things calmed down and she kept coming to chat but guy x (who I assume had started seeing someone in real life) slowly stopped coming in chat as often because no one liked him because of his unusual personality. She was still angry at me but we discussed what had happened. She found it so hard to apologise for what she had done to me and just kept focusing on the fact that I had written a blog about it and how she would never do a thing like that. I kept pointing out to her that I would never carry on two emotional relationships at the same time, so we both had different morals. At one point guy x didn't come in chat for two weeks and in that time I think she began to realise what she had done and she apologised properly for the first time. We started talking again almost like before guy x had come along. I knew she had acted like a bitch but I couldn't help but love her. She was so beautiful. She was still officially "with" him as far as anyone knew. But eventually she told me she still loved me and was going to have to tell guy x they were over. He took it badly.
We then started speaking to each other almost all day every day. We would go into private chat and spend the day talking, and telling each other we loved each other deeply. I told her that we shouldn't spend so much time together to prolong the life of the relationship but she assured me that our obsession with each other was normal. I wasn't working at the time so I changed my sleeping pattern to coincide with hers and ended up sleeping all through out the day. She would tell me she was moving to England some day. We would enjoy going to sleep together and waking up together then doing it all again the next day. We would fap on cam then lay down and talk. We would go to sleep afterwards and we referred to it as fapping out. We continued to do this for over a month. We would argue sometimes. Generally because i would bring up guy x from time to time or because I said something she didn't like. But mainly we were happy. We literally spent every waking moment together for just shy of two months and things just seemed to be getting stronger and stronger. Even the arguments seemed to be born of the fact that we were growing closer.
The one thing I didn't like was that we would have some little petty argument over something I had said and she would just sit there in silence not talking to me. In England it was between 4 and 8 in the morning and after me staying up for her she would sit there and refuse to talk to me even when I apologised (something she seemed unable to do herself without sounding sarcastic). Some times this would go on for days and even when I contacted her she would ignore me. I hated it more than anything and it seemed like the more I expressed how much I hated it the more she would do it. She would say she was just thinking about the argument and needed time to think. Finally one day she told me she would be going away for 10 days in a couple of weeks because she had an event to go to and was also camping just after. I didn't want her to go because I had gotten used to spending all my time with her but I understood and wouldn't stop her going if I could because I wanted her to be happy. She told me she would ring me every day though and that comforted me.
The day came for her to go and the past couple of days we'd had some pretty bad arguments but in spite of their reasons I put them down to us spending so much time together and thought that after the 10 days were up we would be back together and happier than before. On the second day of her being away she messaged me on skype and I got her to skype call me and asked her how she was getting on at her event. She seemed really busy and I felt sorry for her because she was working hard at the bar and generally helping out. She came back for a day and I was so happy to see her. She seemed really tired and I barely got to speak to her properly because she kept nodding off but I understood because she had been working so hard and partying at night. She passed out and although I still missed her I knew that we were 3 days into her being away for 10 days and soon she would be home properly and we could go back to the way things were. She left in the morning and promised to ring me every now and then and tell me how she was getting on.
5 days went past and I hadn't heard from her but I was ok with that as I had a feeling that she wouldn't be able to ring me from a forest. I would also like to stipulate that girl x had a habit of telling me what I wanted to hear. If she told me she was going out for an hour she would be 4 hours. This happened a lot and was one of the causes of our occasional arguments. One day I was checking my facebook when I noticed that girl x had been on facebook a couple of hours ago and had accepted a few friend requests. I then logged onto the website we had met on to notice that she had been on there too. I sent her a message asking her why she hadn't contacted me but had been online. After 5 days of not talking to her no less. She told me that she had to use the internet at a cafe nearby and there was shitty reception and it cost 4 bucks to use. I told her this was irrelevant seeing as she had been online anyway and chose not to message me. All i wanted was some confirmation she was ok. She proceeded to get extremely angry, more angry than I thought was necessary to the point where I wondered if there was something going on that she wasn't telling me about. I apologised for having a pop at her like I had done so many times in the past and the matter was settled.
Days went past and occasionally I would notice that she had been on facebook but didn't want to mention it in case I caused another argument. I hadn't spoken to her in ages and it was killing me. After how close we had become it seemed like her being away had somehow drove her away from me. It is my opinion that she was just looking for a companion when she had nothing better to do and now she was busy had completely forgotten about me. Eventually we messaged each other and she told me that she would be back in a few days time. This was after she had been away 10 days already. I knew when she said 10 days she was just telling me what she wanted me to hear. I did not cause an argument about this though as at this point I missed her so much and at least I knew for certain that in a few days she would be home. A day or two later she messaged me and we got talking. She seemed distant and after me writing whole paragraphs for her she would respond with things like "that's nice". I knew this behaviour from the past. I asked her if she was multitasking and she said she was talking to her brother. I understood so I said that she should finish talking to him and then give me her full concentration because I missed her and wanted to have a proper conversation.
She told me that she would not be able to use the internet after 6 and it was 5 already but I gave her time to finish what she was doing. In that time she wrote a blog, posted videos on her facebook wall, talked to a ton of "friends" on the site we frequented, replied to facebook wall messages (all except the one i had left) and generally fucked about online. At 10 mins to 6 I tried to contact her but was unable. At 4 mins to 6 I told her I wanted to speak to her for a bit before she had to go and she apologised and said she was talking to her brother and the her friends who were in the room. I was majorly pissed. She was still distant and only payed attention once we said our goodbyes. I sat there majorly pissed off that the one chance I had to converse with her after over 10 days of her being away after months of being together, she had chosen to fuck about on the internet. I had no problem her talking to her brother. I waited until she was offline then sent her a message saying that I didn't like the fact she couldn't concentrate long enough to talk to me and that I thought it was extremely rude. I also told her I thought she had internet/social networking addiction.
She messaged me back a while later and was yet again more angry than she should have been and as usual didn't see things from my perspective. Turns out that she had the internet on her phone. Which meant that rather than me staying up till 2 in the morning waiting for her to talk to me and her social networking the whole time, she could have spoken to me then used her phone to check facebook and generally fuck about online. We had a massive long argument all night and she seemed to be making out to her friends that I had caused it. All I had done was air my concerns and I waited till she was offline to do so, so I didn't ruin her night out with her friends. She seemed to be getting so angry that i began to think she was just looking for an excuse to hate me. The next day I apologised again and said that it was just because I missed her so much.
While I remember let me just tell you that when we spoke that night she told me she was going to a dropkick murphys concert. Recently I discovered that she is going on a date with some dude when she's there. I'm sure it isn't a coincidence that she had been away barely contacting me and when she did she was very distant and had all of a sudden been invited to a dropkick murphys concert. She was getting too angry for the small things I was saying and it was as if she was deliberately treating me badly to break us up. Not a coincidence at all. Her friends had hooked her up with a date and she was trying to blow me off but didn't have the guts or maturity to tell me the situation after how close we had become.
In total she was gone 14 days and she told me 10. I didn't care though all I cared about was things getting back to normal. She hadn't accepted my apology at the point she returned from camping and proceeded to give me the silent treatment interjected with arguments for the next 2 days. I just wanted to talk to her again. I apologised one last time in great detail hoping I could resolve the situation and she ignored me for a further day. That was when I couldn't take it any more. I completely cut all ties with her deleting my facebook account, unfriending her from the site we went on, everything. I was so angry that she would treat me this way that I made a fool of myself publicly telling her how much of a bitch I thought she was. I wrote messages on her profile (not facebook) and later apologised for flying off the handle and said that although I understood that we were now over that i was sorry and hoped that one day we could be friends again. I also asked her to delete the messages which she refused to do giving me more silent treatment.
logged in to find that she has been telling people her diluted version
of events publicly, Is now friends with guy x again (who she previously
hated), had messaged certain trolls her diluted version of events and
was going on a date on Saturday. Talk about add insult to injury. The
more she stopped loving me the more i loved her until I was completely
obsessed. Until my only option after being treated so badly was to
replace my love with hate. This blog is just to set the record straight
and give my version of events. You were treating me like shit to end
things because you were moving on with your life and then you get funny
with me because I overreacted and said some hurtful things.
Girl x, I feel sorry for anyone who gets with you in any capacity other than a fuck buddy because of your narcissistic personality disorder. If you reply to this blog or talk about me to anyone ever about anything I shall unleash my dogs of war. You and I both know that this blog is merely a drop in the ocean of how much I could potentially hurt you. You should thank your lucky stars that I hold a residue of feeling for you or I would.
To recap - girl x is narcissistic, solipsistic, unfaithful and i'm glad she's out of my life. NEXT PLEASE!!