Vanity Was His Objective, Now He's a Freak.
One hot summers day, Sean
De La Fuente was busy applying
baby oil to his freshly-shaven torso, in a vain attempt to look like his idol -
Marvin Humes from pop band JLS.
The generous amounts of baby oil that he had squirted over his naked body had formed a large puddle by his feet, and as Sean went to walk out of the bathroom, he slipped and did a full 360 spin in mid air, landing square on his bathroom sink faucet, which lodged inside Sean's brown starfish. As a result of his cheap, ill-fitted council house sink being too weak to support Sean's 14 stone frame, it came away from the wall, causing Sean to fall to one side. This inadvertently turned on the faucet, making gallons of water blast up inside his sphincter. As Sean slowly filled up like a human water-balloon, he eventually was seen by his estranged uncle Dominic, who was too busy visiting websites to see what can be done to an Octopus using nothing but a large jar of German Frankfurter hotdogs in order to notice the horrific accident unfolding any earlier.
Uncle Dominic dragged Sean away from the sink until his bum dislodged away from the faucet and he flopped on the floor, making the sound of the 40 gallons of water swish around inside his stomach. As Sean wasn't breathing, simple Uncle Dom resorted to CPR, which he had no clue how to perform. So, Uncle Dom stamped down on Sean's stomach - making the 182 litres of water forcibly blast out of Sean's faucet-stretched anus.
The sheer force of the blast made Sean achieve flight, and so he smashed through the bathroom window, followed by a trail of frothy, brown water. Sean eventually landed in the local dogging site a few metres away from his house. He was rendered unconscious by the thud he made to the ground, but he did not gain any other injuries because the impact was softened by a small rose bush that he has landed on.
As Sean awoke, he was horrified to find that his entrails were hanging out of his rear end. So, Sean gathered his steaming pile of exposed guts in his arms and proceeded to make his way out of the forestry where he had landed. Unfortunately, a stray dog was nearby, licking the semen out of the discarded condoms which littered the floor. Sean hoped that the malnourished mongrel would not smell the scent of Sean's guts, but it did. Sean froze in horror as the dog came charging towards him and latched its jaws on Sean's intestines. As it chewed on them like a string of fresh butchers sausages, Sean wasted no time in screaming for help. His cries were eventually herd by one of the many Community Support Officers that roamed the excessively violent and corrupt area. To Sean's utter dismay, the Community Support Officer totally disregarded the dog slowly devouring Sean's entrails and instead chose to lecture Sean on the dangers of being lay in a local dogging site, naked and covered in baby oil.
Eventually Sean passed out because of the excruciating pain of having his pancreas and lower intestines eaten by a ravenous mongrel, prompting the Community Support Officer to call an ambulance.
Sean awoke in a hospital bed 8 days later. It turned out that Sean's innards had been replaced by that of the mongrel which had eaten them in a pioneering new organ transplant surgery method, which has cut down on the pressure of organ donation to the NHS.
Sean now spends his days sniffing the rear-ends of other individuals and urinating up lamp posts. Right now he is busy humping my leg as I type this heartfelt wall post.
Please donate to the animal-human organ transplant charity in order to ensure that this pioneering new experimental surgery persists in order to ensure the well-being of our loved ones.
For Sean x