Dear Professor, I'm traveling abroad. Do you have any tips for exploring Chile? - Doesn't Speak Spanish

Dear DSS,
First of all, don't forget your oyster crackers! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was a little Genius joke. You see, the country Chile is often pronounced as the delectable Tex-Mex dish "chili". And a common accompaniment of said dish is oyster crackers. I used this play on words to suggest that in fact you are not going to the country Chile and are in fact exploring a bowl of hot chili. Nevertheless, if you plan on traveling to Chile, be sure to take in the picturesque scenery and taste the delicious food (not chili) and wine. My friend Enke Hubner, owns a vineyard outside of Santiago which has the most delicious wines and owns an outstanding restaurant. I suggest you patron said establishment, inform them Professor Genius sent you (and I get 10% of the bill as a finder's fee!). If that doesn't seem up to your interests, I know another person (Ernesto de Campostella) who runs a llama racing league (LLRL, not to be confused with the leucine-rich repeat found in protein biochemistry), and if you are interested in riding thoroughbred llama colts, you might mosey up north to Lago Chungara. May I suggest however, that you do not photograph any of the indigenous tribes which have never had contact with civilization. Or better yet, do not even pretend to photograph said tribes. For if you do, don't be surprised if they eat you. Hope that helps.

Love, Professor Genius