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Keeping Your Troll in Check

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As everybody knows, trolls are inferior to non-trolls, have extremely low self esteem, and no decency whatsoever.  However, a troll can be a great source of amusement.

Most websites have at least one troll who will do anything he can to get attention.  This is normal.  In order to keep the troll around, you have to play into his antics at least some of the time.  If you ignore him completely, he'll go away, and then you've lost your source of entertainment.

When your troll says something designed to get attention, it's usually something to anger people because they cannot keep up with the intelligence level of the other users on that particular website.  You should react in a way that shows you are angered or even shocked.  This is called "Feeding Your Troll," and is done to keep your troll from feeding elsewhere.

But where does the entertainment value come in?  Simple.  Most trolls pretend they are someone they are not, for example, your troll might pretend to be a girl.  This is actually the most common troll trait.  When you have a troll who's avy is an attractive looking girl, you can bet your bottom dollar it's actually a basement dwelling teenage boy who gets picked on at school.  Another common troll trait is pretending to be a douche-bag, with an avatar that shows three douche-bags together to indicate he actually has friends.  These types of trolls usually pick a name that is designed to shock or anger other users.  For example, any user that has the word "anal" as part of his name is displaying classic troll behavior.

When the 'fake girl' types a blog talking about her (his) boyfriend, he has no idea how much everyone else is laughing at him and his stupidity.  It's fun to call him out on his obvious lack of intelligence and remind him that he is not a girl.  This will infuriate the troll and will cause him to begin typing idiotic comments.  When he runs out of things to say, he will resort to using the following phrases: "Butt-hurt faggot," "Stop whoring for my attention," and the ever popular "Owned, LOLOLOLOL."

One thing you can do to tease your troll is to create a group called "Quality Bloggers," and invite everyone to the group except for the troll.  This will provide hours of entertainment.

Now let's talk about the douche-bag troll.  When he spouts verbal diarrhea in a blog, it's important to remind him of his stupidity.  If done properly, he'll respond like this: "I have a PHD in neurology.  I do what you wish you could do.  I make more money than you could ever wish to you must be the stupidest fucking american on this site. Do yourself a favor and get out of the house kido." (sic).

The source of entertainment comes when you correct him on the proper way to type Ph.D. and correct his other grammar and spelling mistakes.

I hope this has shed some light on the care and maintenance of your pet trolls.  Have a great weekend, fellow bloggers!
GIJoe Uploaded 05/26/2012
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