FEATURED06/01/2012
The Juggalo Reproductive Cycle: an Overview
1. Fertilization and Conception
(Above: Insane Clown Posse concerts provide an ideal social environment for wild Juggalos to mate.)
The male juggalo and female juggalo recognize each others traditional, mating face paint at an Insane Clown Posse concert. Both parties become overwhelmed by a rudimentary form of love, and on the occasion that neither juggalo confuses that feeling with rage, the female becomes pregnant during their next Faygo-blackout.
2. Gestation
(Above: A swollen female juggalo womb. Female juggalos are sometimes known as juggalettes.)
The juggalo fetus grows inside the womb of the mother, causing changes to the aspect ratio of her belly tattoo. Her maternity is commemorated in a series of amateur porn photographs.
3. Prenatal Care
(Above: Female juggalos tend to double their Faygo intake during pregnancy)
The mother consumes Faygo and chewing tobacco, triggering juggalo traits in the fetus. If the fetus cannot sustain itself exclusively on purple soda and chew, it is rejected by the mothers body.
4. Perinatal Mortality
(Above: The ice box casket is adorned with traditional juggalo religious symbols.)
There is an extremely high infant mortality rate among juggalos. When said extremely high infant dies, juggalos enact the standard mourning rites, interring the infants body in a ceremonial cooler.
5. Neonatal Care
[Above: A juggalo infant male adorned with ritual markings.]
If a juggalo baby passes the trials of its mothers womb, it is welcomed into the world with its first body modification: circumcision!
THE END
(Above: Insane Clown Posse concerts provide an ideal social environment for wild Juggalos to mate.)
The male juggalo and female juggalo recognize each others traditional, mating face paint at an Insane Clown Posse concert. Both parties become overwhelmed by a rudimentary form of love, and on the occasion that neither juggalo confuses that feeling with rage, the female becomes pregnant during their next Faygo-blackout.
2. Gestation
(Above: A swollen female juggalo womb. Female juggalos are sometimes known as juggalettes.)
The juggalo fetus grows inside the womb of the mother, causing changes to the aspect ratio of her belly tattoo. Her maternity is commemorated in a series of amateur porn photographs.
3. Prenatal Care
(Above: Female juggalos tend to double their Faygo intake during pregnancy)
The mother consumes Faygo and chewing tobacco, triggering juggalo traits in the fetus. If the fetus cannot sustain itself exclusively on purple soda and chew, it is rejected by the mothers body.
4. Perinatal Mortality
(Above: The ice box casket is adorned with traditional juggalo religious symbols.)
There is an extremely high infant mortality rate among juggalos. When said extremely high infant dies, juggalos enact the standard mourning rites, interring the infants body in a ceremonial cooler.
5. Neonatal Care
[Above: A juggalo infant male adorned with ritual markings.]
If a juggalo baby passes the trials of its mothers womb, it is welcomed into the world with its first body modification: circumcision!
THE END
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