Like us on Facebook!

Ramblings of the Stoned V

0
3

"Write drunk, edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway


-I have this bizarre irrational hatred for the sight of slowly accelerating hubcaps.  After some pondering, I've realized that it's probably because it's the first thing you see as somebody decides they're going to cut you off.  The other irrational hatred I harbor is for the lead guitar player of Hootie and the Blowfish, but that's clearly for very different reasons.

 

-A perfectionist's biggest fault is not being able to accept that they have faults.

 

-My pants are cold

 

-It's kind of annoying to see someone try to pass someone else's joke off as their own.  You can see it all the time on You Tube, when you go between duplicate videos to try and find a better quality, or even just a related video.  The top comments are frequently the same.  Go watch any video of Flea playing bass.  The top comment is almost always "Flea once fingered a girl.  She died."

 

-What the fuck does "swashbuckling" mean?  It sure as hell seems like it was invented by film critics who've run out of adjectives to describe the latest pirate movie.


*Sober author's note - It actually means "to behave in the manner of a swashbuckler"  Thanks, dictionary.com!

 

-That moment when you call your friend's cell phone to tell him he forgot his cell phone...

 

-That moment when you see a friend copy/pasted your humorous status without giving you credit for the joke...

 

-"Don't forget your way back home," seems like such a ridiculous statement, until you remember to factor in grudges, pride and the dynamics of family drama.


-The theme of this entry seems to be my general disdain for idea stealers.  I always thought intellectual theft was worse than material theft.  I become irate even when I'm not the victim.

 

-You call this lettuce?  It's more like shredded tissue paper that's been marinated in pool water!  Thanks for ruining my chalupa and my munchies, Taco Bell!

 

-Every time a player I love gets traded from a Boston team, I get that same feeling I got in eighth grade, when a friend would tell me they were going to the tech school to take welding or something, instead of going to college courses in high school.  I understand it's just one of those things that has to happen on one level, but feel crushed on another.  I hope wood shop works out for you, Kevin Youkilis.

 

-Ever have one of those memories of an embarrassing moment in your life that just rears its ugly head at random moments, and makes you smack yourself in the forehead, even though it may have happened over 15 years ago?  One of mine involves this girl who used to sit at my lunch table.  Her dad was the principal.  Her name was Liz, but everyone at the table called her "Jizz".  Apparently, I was the only one at the time who didn't know what it meant, because I called her Jizz as her dad was standing at the table saying hello to us.  Everyone turned and gave me death glares, as I sat there, confused and feeling several people kicking me under the table.  *facepalm

 

-If I ever eat boiled hot dogs, I always have to cut off the ends.  They just look like belly buttons to me...Or worse, anuses.  Perhaps it's a subconscious reminder of what they're actually made of.


-Whenever I hit the button for windshield washer fluid while on the highway, I pretend that I'm making the jump to lightspeed.

 

-That moment when you try to go online to figure out why your internet is down...

BiserSchap Uploaded 06/27/2012
  • 53
  • 5
  • 0
  • Flag

COMMENTS

Top 5
Popular on 07/23/2009
awesome collection of funny gross videos pictures galleries and gifs