Grapelogic's Guide to Fireworks: Burn Ward Edition


Fireworks are an important part of democracy. That is why I have dug up 5 videos from the sweaty crack of eBaumsworld to highlight some of the most outrageous mishaps ever to be caused by this great American tradition from China.

1. Muthfuggn Bootleg Fireworks Shit

Family friendly version: "Oh my! Oh my! By his wounds! That was astonishing sir! Fetch some water, sir! Conflagrate the blasted contraband explosives and things. Oh my."


2. Bottle Rocket Cock Block

When people are engaged in a sex act, our first instinct is to launch artillery at them. I'm pretty sure that is how the Cuban Missile Crisis began. It's basic biology: by preventing another dude from having sex, we have a slightly better chance of impregnating the female with our DNA instead! Bwahahahaha.

3.Firework Surprise: That's it?

No, bitch:


4. Fireworks in the Taint

Apparently, young heterosexual males like to socialize by thrusting phallic objects between their legs. As long as said thrust is powered by rocket propulsion, it isn't gay! "Yo, dude got sodomized by that dildo missile! Mad respect!"

5. Grand Finale: Fireworks Stand Explodes

It would be funny if terrorists were the ones who blew up the fireworks stand, because fireworks are the one symbol of America that is supposed to explode. Most patriotic terrorist attack ever! Also it was an illegal fireworks stand so everybody got what they deserved.

Uploaded 06/29/2012
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