Christopher Nolan Can Suck My Bat Dick

Well I caught the Premier of The Dark Night Raises   if youâre a regular movie buff you would enjoy the movie as it stands if youâre a bat-fanatic it will drive you batty!!


1.       The new vehicle   

 The batwing was always a awesome toy it was sleek, fast, aerodynamic more jetfighter like style and had awesome features I remember playing with different versions of the batwing when I was younger, but leave it to Christopher Nolan to fuck up not only the Batmobile but the Batwing as well, the New Batwing resembles a Potato bug the little rollie-pollies you see on the ground if you gave them helicopter propellers you would get this piece of crap




2.       Clash in story lines

Bane- He was born in the fictional Caribbean Republic of Santa Prisca, in a prison called Pena Dura. His father Edmund Dorrance evaded the Santa Prisca court system, and the corrupt government declared his young son would serve out his fathers life sentence, and thus Bane's childhood and early adult life were spent in the amoral penitentiary environment.  Because of the cultural and supposed geographical location of Santa Prisca, Bane knew how to speak English, Spanish, Portuguese and Latin, not that Scottish Sean Connery accent in the film. Thou I hear a lot of people loved the deep darken accent it gave bane more of menacing pariah effect. 


The Mask- the mask worn by bane in the movie injected him with small amounts of morphine to suppress the pain he received as a result of helping Talia Al Ghul out of Pena Dura which is completely wrong. Bane was part of The Pena Dura prison Venom experiment(Titan as its more commonly known today)it nearly killed Bane at first, but he survived and found that the drug vastly increases his physical strength, although he needs to take it every 12 hours (via a system of tubes pumped directly into his brain) or he will suffer debilitating side-effects. 



The man who broke batman-The fight scene in which Batman gets his back broken was great in the film but the after effect of his broken back were completely wrong again they played it out as Bruce Wayne was left with a protruding disk and recovered from it in less than 23 days. I understand they had to do this cause they couldn't fit the entire 6 months of awesome Azrael batman and the epic fight for the cowl between Dick Grayson and Tim Drake, but come on recovering from a broken back in under 23 days fuck you Christopher Nolan !!



Robin - John Blake was adopted and his name was changed. I don't think it made much sense Christopher Nolan renamed John Blake better known as Richard John Grayson to Robin Blake as they seem to screw it up at the end of the film. In the comics, I know there was a old comic from 1942 that featured a sidekick named Johnny Blake Maybe that's where it could be from, but regardless Dick Grayson was never a police officer of the GCPD , he was part of the Flying Grayson Circus thanks for fucking that up as well.




3.       Easter Eggs

I noticed 2 huge Easter eggs that only a Bat-fanatic would catch.    

Jason Todd The Red Hood Helmet- Jason Todd was a Robin persona this Robin sidekick was more rebellious, he loved riding around town in a motorcycle and always wore a Red Helmet, during the scene where bane retrieves Bruce Wayne's finger prints the camera zooms into a red helmet and Bane jumps on a motorcycle resembling  that of Jason Todd.


Damian Wayne- There is a short scene in the movie that depicts Miranda Tate (Talia Al Ghul) seducing Bruce Wayne. This was the night Bruce lost most of his money in bad investments and Miranda comes to comfort him, this is also the night Bruce forgot to jimmy up and gets Miranda Tate(Talia Al Ghul) Pregnant. Talia has the kid 9 months down the road and he is born into the league of Shadows and is fathered by Bruce Waynes incredible genes. What more can a kid want father is Batman, mother was a Assassin, Granddad is the immortal Rah Al Ghul.



Over all, the entire Movie was great if you know nothing about the deep history of the Bat without biases I would give this movie a 9.5 out of 10

But knowing what I do know the movie made me angry like Kathy Bates in Misery so on the Bat scale it gets a 5.5 out of 10


Uploaded 07/27/2012
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