'Cocks with bells on them!' 'Cunts with dildos ramming them!' 'Puppies in grinders!' 'Used tampons in water fountains!' Gladis the nun shouted at the top of her voice. She was having a very bad day'

9am July 7 2012, 10 minutes before the incident

Gladis is saying her morning prayers. God is listening intently and smiles as she finishes with her customary little curtsey that only he knew she did. It was a very subtle one, but both he and Gladis knew what it meant. You see, God for her was a very personal thing; the church was just a hobby; god was her life.

God had watched Gladis since she was 6. She had got his attention as, even though she was very young and her parents very catholic, she had made up her own mind that the bible, the stories, the priests; were all ballshit. She knew God before any of this. God found her interesting because of this and wondered if at last there was a human that finally got "it".

God had woken up this morning with a weird kinda boner, which is the only way to approach to explaining what he did next. He came down to earth in his dressing gown and slippers, something he had not done for a very long time. Those on the eastern seaboard got a partial view on his semi after a gust of wind caught his dressing gown during the decent. God himself found the episode quite refreshing and exclaimed (to himself) that that region needed a good airing considering it had been a few thousand years since it last saw some action.

Gladis was amazed, but god was exactly as she had pictured him, without the elmo slippers of course... God looked warmly, deep into her eyes and said 'you're a fucking idiot!' Gladis' jaw dropped. God elaborated: 'all these people believe in the idea of God, it's a social construct; social engineering to keep all the people who donât logically appreciate that doing bad things to other people is a bad thing. I mean, seriously... what's so difficult about that? I gave you guys' empathy for a reason, you stupid meat bags' 'It wasn't so bad as naturally none of you really believed it without prompting from the church, then Gladis came along and believed it, lock stock and barrel without any prompting at all! What a freak!'

'Yes, yes I appreciate the irony that indeed I am in fact real. But logically, I should'nt be. I mean look at science; it makes sense! I don't! I don't make sense at all!! And I invented sense so I should know!'

'Your existence and religion is so perverted you defied the laws of physics and produced an offspring of pure believance! Yes I know I just made that word up but I'm god, I make the fucking rules, alright?!. You produced someone that believed, from birth, that god (in the same lucky guess as your church did) was real. I designed odds and I can tell you the odds of that happening are totally mind boggling, even for me and I'm God! The only logical answer is that it must be a practical joke from one of the nerd gods'

'I was bored one day so made existence, it was just a lucky guess that you worked it out, thatâs all'
'All the other gods laugh at me you know, well the nerdy ones laugh at you too, but they have no life, it's the equivalent to you laughing at an amoebas, worse; at atoms'

So basically what I have come to say is that, to quote that great poet, Eminem 'I am fed up with your shit and Iâm going to kill you' accept Gladis, she can live on this planet forever. I am going to turn the earth into a beach ball and going back to god land. Yep, I am taking my ball in a hump and going home. *poof*

Gladis realised she was having a very bad day...