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Guitar Facts For Non-Retards


Apparently, Rainbowrider became too butt hurt after I owned his ignorant ass and proved how little he knows about guitars.Not only did he have to get on his Chopperin alt and agree with himself (!) but he also had to write a blog proving how stupid and persistent he is.

First off, let's look at what he's said. The discussion was picking the right guitar to play lightning fast. There's a lot of debate on which guitar is the most suitable, but the right answer is - the quality one that suits YOUR needs. Meaning: the fretboard is comfortable for you to play and the guitar is designed to allow fast playing. Simple. How to pick a guitar that's quality? It's an expensive known brand, of course. Ibanez, Jackson, Dean and DBZ are well known for designing some of the fastest playing guitars. Your choice should go there. That was basically what I've said in the blog.

Rainbowrider's comment was so retarded, some of the ACTUAL musicians probably fell off their chairs, laughing. He said that the most important thing about a guitar is that the neck is straight, the else doesn't matter much. Okay, so first off, I thought maybe he meant the scalloped frets, but no, it turned out that he meant to CHECK IF THE GUITAR DIDN'T HAVE A PRODUCTION FLAW, a bent neck. You stupid retard, do you think that if the guitar you bought in Wall Mart for 50$ has a straight neck, it's gonna allow you to play anything fast? Or that it's gonna have the frets set to proper tuning? He also said that the keys should hold the tuning for more than a few songs. Really? Proper keys should hold the tuning for MONTHS.

Here's the right way to choose a proper guitar to play fast:

1. The most important part is choosing the right pickups. Right means expensive. Because the higher the price, the higher the quality. There's different types of pick ups, but it comes down to the quality. You need to know there's single coil (the ones you often see in Strats) and humbuckers (double, often covered with a lid). The easy explanation: If you wanna play ballads and clean shit, go for the single coil, and humbuckers are for rock and metal, but that's an explanation for the retards. If you're a musician, you know that it gets down to the signal's strenght and how you modulate it with the effects. You can set a humbucker to sound like a single coil in a multieffect. There's also different types of pick-ups, that aren't standard, therefore are much more expensive, but it doesn't mean they are better. It's because they add extra features. For example, you can divide the coils in some humbuckers, or the pick-ups are active. The difference between active and passive pick ups is that the active ones are powered with batteries that give an extra kick, but it doesn't mean they are better. They are different and it's up to the musician to choose which ones are more to their liking.

2. Choose the right fretboard type. Since you wanna play fast, and you have the right pick ups, you need to know which fretboard to choose, nyao. They differ in construction and if you know how to count, you probably noticed a Fender Stratocaster is shorter than an average Ibanez. Count the frets. Yep. Strat has 19 and some Ibanez guitars have 24. Why? Different fretboards. Choose a 25.5 neck with 24 frets and be sure that the strings are close to the frets and not far apart from each other. That's right, the neck should be thin. You might feel uncomfortable to play it if you're accustomed to a wide neck, but it's okay. You need to learn the new spacing. The strings are closer to each other and it's easier to move from one to another.

3. Choosing the other parts. The keys should hold the guitar in tune for very long. If Rainbowrider thinks that the tuners are okay if the tuning won't shift after playing 3 songs, I pity him. Quality tuners, like GROVERS, for example, keep the strings in place for a very long time and also endure actions like bending the strings or using the tab at the bridge, if you have a bridge that allows that. Choosing the bridge isn't as important, since it's up to you if you want it strings through body and no bar at the bridge, or a one side standard tremolo bar, or a Floyd Rose type bridge with the bar moving up and down. They cost more, but be aware that if you pull the strings with the bar, they need to be fixed with the tuners firmly. That's right, retard, that's what quality tuners do. Not hold the strings in place for 3 songs, they hold the strings in place while they are being pulled or when you push the bar down (this loosens the strings) or if you pull the Floyd Rose bridge up, so that the strings get stretched for a higher sound. In practice, the strings are basically being pulled from the tuners during most of the above, so the keys need to hold them tight and won't let go.

Okay, go it, dumb ass?

Let's recap.

Quality pick ups for quality sound.

Buy tuners with a renown brand to keep the strings in place while you play with the bridge bar (I'm not using the term "whammy bar" because it's ridiculous).

To play fast, you need a fast type fret board with the strings close to each other and close to the frets.

Easy? Easy.

shylilazn Uploaded 08/14/2012
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