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Jibberjabber with a Habberdash of Gobblygook

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    Late last year, after one of my many nervous breakdowns, I administered myself into rehab, where they called such events a "moment of clarity." Upon arrival, I was subjected to a process that seemingly cured people of drug addiction, and this fascinated me. Although I was taught that my intellect was my greatest enemy, and to "be dumb" just this once (as it is extremely thorough in executing self-...destruction) I decided to study the mechanics of groups such as AA to find out exactly what made them work, knowing I would eventually relapse, which I did. This post is not meant to drive people into groups such as AA or rehab, but aid in the understanding of spiritual causality.
First off, there are supposedly two types of people, addicts and so-called "normies." The difference between the two was helped defined by an analogy about how the two would treat a glass of wine, or beer, whatever. A "normie" would drink half of it and be completely okay, with no desire to drink more of the substance, and addicts can't fathom such an action. It seems weird to us. If you find yourself being the latter, congratulations, you're a drug addict. Welcome to the club.
So you're an addict. What does that mean? What mental traits compose the addict mind? Well, most of us have a pervasive sense of anxiety and discomfort until we are on an external chemical that sedates it. This could be anything that stimulates our serotonin receptors, weed, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, hallucinogens, hell, even romantic relationships. The only difference is the intensity of how it effects us as apposed to other people, which hints at the idea that the substances were never the problem, as you can be addicted to almost anything, but the mindset attached to them. It's like blaming guns for killing people instead of people themselves and the crucible our world has turned into, which torments their minds so much so that killing is their only route of escape.
As this illness progresses, our minds begin to play curious tricks on us that bypass our conscious awareness. We subconsciously submit ourselves to channels of socialization and living that exist only to obtain a substance that momentarily cures our hectic minds, all the while getting worse. For example, when you coalesce into a group of friends, what is typically on the agenda? Finding a means to get high/fucked up, right? Answer me this, are there things you believe you can't tell anyone? Do you feel like no one really understands you, and you must put on a face to interact your friends? Then, as soon as you're alone, your mind starts churning all the awfulness you suppress until you find something to occupy your mind again? Do you feel you're different because of that?
This is another term I was told, and love it. It's called "terminal uniqueness," which I believe is symptomatic of a greater existential crisis that affects humanity as a whole, rather than just addicts. I see it as the appropriation of identity to a false sense of self, creating an inner void in need of constant validation and appeasement. And, like a void, it only grows larger and more menacing by its own recursive existence until you have people roaming the streets almost ravenous due to the craving.
This bleakness tends to generate hopelessness and a rapid depreciation of value not just towards your body, but everything else. It isolates the mind within its own destructive borders, and estranges our emotions from ourselves and other people. It's not necessarily a disconnection, though. Think of it as more a black hole, with your cognition being skewed by gravitational lensing. You do not see it itself, but the warping of perspective caused by its presence.
We have a name for this, it's called your ego: your concept of self who's nature is to be insecure and self-seeking, recursive. Due to this inherently foreign and separate concept of self, we begin to look at all things and people as outside us, which, as time progresses, become more and more imposing, leaving us to deal with this issue "on our own" because "we are the only ones who get it." But you see, that in of itself is in fact a part of its deception, as it further separates you from people and into your own pit despair.
That being said, how AA worked was due largely in part to two things, faith in a higher power, and interconnecting to a network of people weaved together by the bonds of trust. Your higher power could've been anything, God, AA itself, the wind, etc. it didn't matter as long as it wasn't your ego, or previously held concept of self: the entire program's axiom was dissolving the ego's presence in the mind, to get you to think less of yourself, and more for the welfare of other people, which essentially starved the false self and allowed for wondrous events to intersect and change people's lives for the better. (Honestly, you should hear their stories. They're quite remarkable.) The second part I noticed was the interconnection between people, which was very dualistic in how they had previously lived their lives, for themselves. They realized that helping other people actually helped themselves in the process, almost as if strengthening the channels between each other and what I call "The God Consciousness," allowing for the well-being of the group and those with in it to manifest physically into this world.
One of my favorite stories I was told in my stay was the story of Heaven and Hell, where a man is in a blank white room with two doors and a guide standing next to him. The door on the left read "Hell," and the door on the right read "Heaven." Upon opening the first door, the man finds a feast encircled by people emaciated and sullen, attempting to eat, but only starving themselves more with every bite. He then opens the next door, and it is the same scene, but everyone is plump and joyous, with laughter filling the air. The man asks the guide what the difference between the two rooms were, and the guide said "In Hell they attempted to feed themselves, but in Heaven they learned to feed each other."
I took this to heart with my belief that we are each a manifestation of the same being, but blinded by the thought of division that isolates and ushers us into "Hell," where we meet each other eye to eye with caution bordering hostility. We do so to protect our sense of self, but as we do this, we only harm our true self, because we feed a void.
Such is the the nature of an illusion, to fool the "I."
BFP2 Uploaded 01/17/2013
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