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I can fat and so can you!

I don't usually brag, but I'm pretty fucking fat. Many people ask me "notfake, how did you get so fat that the country has started extraditing your ass because of the methane gas deposits?" Well, it wasn't easy and it took many years of discipline, but here are some ways you can be the best fatty fatty fat fat you can be. First, the demon of physical exercise. Anything that causes perspiration must end IMMEDIATELY! The standard measurement of when you've achieved fatness is when you break a sweat eating a pork chop. Any other physical movement, such as climbing stairs, should result in a wheezing and sweating fit so bad it causes concerned passerbys to call an ambulance. Follow the E.B.A.U.M guide for when you should move: Eating, Bathing (because we're fat, not unhygienic), Alcohol, Underwear, and entertainMent. If you need to move more than ten steps for anything else, then it's obviously not worth it. Second point: eating. Eat food. Eat it. Eat. Eat. Eat. Eat. Your new best friends are the delivery guys, smorgasbords, and fast food. What's that? Your full? Well STFU AND GTFO you ain't worth my time and you'll never be fat. Go eat a salad, poser. Third: your nest. Make a comfortable area that is close to and in a good viewing position of your entertainment centre. Have ALL necessary items near you (pop, snacks, keyboard, remote, phone, etc) so it is no more than an arms reach away. You may need to stretch to reach an item, this is frowned upon, but otherwise acceptable. If you are a beginner (aka, skinny) then these tips will help you in your journey to being a lazy fat ass, and they make some good reminders for you novices and professionals too. Remember, I'm rooting for you! I end now with the fatty prayer. "Oh bountiful food from the McDonalds and Denny's, the Arby's and Wendy's, the Taco bell and all that is swell. May our guts grow large and our tits be flappy, and may our farts be so bad the neighbors are unhappy. With each buffet we go to, we see the owners shiver in fear, and never shall our gorging end. In MSG we trust. Amen."
NotfakeMcFaker Uploaded 07/20/2013
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