There are so many bad drivers because there are so many idiots out there.

I know that this sounds really simple and obvious, but when you really think about it, itâll blow your mind a little. Start with going to the grocery store at around 8:00pm on a weeknight. I guess I donât really go to the grocery store at that time ever. I usually go on the weekend or after work, sometimes on my lunch break when I feel like a multitasking sorcerer. But at 8pm on a weeknight, thereâs a different crowd. They are hungry and there is nothing at their place to eat. They donât even know what to buy. Just a bunch of single hAngry people who donât seem to get out a lot; 8pm is their time. At 8pm, Iâm the weird one at Ralphâs. People are talking to themselves and they honestly, HONESTLY donât care who hears it. They are pissed off that they are around other humans. They are contemplating ordering pizza in bulk for a discount, freezing it and not having to go through this whole episode again. And when youâre single and alone, you spend a lot of time at home doing weird things, trust me, because why not get weird? Maybe you want to drink box wine, watch dance moms and finally see what it feels like to sleep naked through the night. Thatâs the shit you get to do when youâre single and live alone, the weird nightly possibilities are endless and those are the people at the grocery store at 8pm.

So I was picking up some Amyâs Organic Pizza, hell, I was hungry. I have enough money to get organic pizza I guess, but just not enough to have someone deliver a pizza to my doorstep. Iâm looking around at these crazy people and it hits me. A lot of these people drove here. That dude over there thatâs for some reason angry about at greek yogurt because greek yogurt and Obama are whats wrong with the world. He may have a car. That girl that is so in a daze that sheâs about to run right into, luckily YOUâRE paying attention so you donât get grocery-carted in the shin again. She probably drives. That old lady that is picking up the soup and holding it far from her face, and then close to her face and then far again trying to figure out if itâs Chicken Noodle or Cream of Chicken so she doesnât make that mistake again, yup, probably drove herself here.

Then I thought holy shit. I canât get it out of my head. Iâm in like Mario Kart Hell on the daily just trying to survive. Like Iâm obviously Toad in my Mazda 3 because heâs the best and quickest driver of the game. Heâs light and he can zoom zoom; but Iâve got like Bowser in front of me in the fast lane like an idiot and I canât get around him. Iâve got fuckin Princess over here to my right who isnât necessarily texting and driving, but she sure seems distracted with her thoughts enough to be rollin her Mercedes C300 and helping herself to 15% of my lane.