Okay I may have told you about the "worst date evar" ( http://www.ebaumsworld.com/blogs/view/83797705/) but really that was the second worst. Ironically I titled that blog the worst but it's not really the worst unless it says real before it.

One day, when I was just a little poop, my parents set me up for a play date with another little poop. She was asian. After that day I am now scared of asians.

The carnival was in town and it was the first one either of us had been to. I had just finished eating a dozen or so fudge cookies I stole from my old mans cooler. Also snagged myself a can of chewing tobacco.

I was going to make this girl think I was the coolest kid on the block. Back then parents let their kids roam free so we held each others fat kid hands and went to the sweetest ride there.

It was the one that looks like a flying saucer. A bunch of people stand in a circle with their backs against it while it spins.



Well finally all those cookies were about to settle in my colon and I knew I had to hold it because I wasn't about to make my girl wait outside the porta john. I took some grainy tobacco and put it in my lip. She probably thought I was so cool.

But as soon as we got on I knew something wasn't right. The ride wasn't spinning but my head was. That and I had to poop, at least 10 x what I had to before. It started to spin faster and faster. Isn't this fun poop? Yah poopa. I groaned.

Just when I thought it wasn't going to get worse I puked. The puke spun around with the force of a thousand suns and hit every person in a circle including me. Followed by my shit exploding out the bottom of my shorts covering every person (except for one and including the most important) on the leg. Except for one because she lifted her legs up. The rest of the riders were screaming and yelling.

The ride stopped short the operator obviously noticing something was wrong. Some shit splashed out and covered his face. I fell on the floor covered in liquid poop and puke.

Now that I look back on that day, I remember one thing. My date wasn't crying or screaming. It's almost like that whole ordeal turned that little asian girl on.