Lately I've been choosing to remain in a gradually worsening state of disarray. I've become more moody, anxious, and generally uncertain about other people and the accuracy of my thoughts. I'm not really much for conversation any more. Interest in everything is depleting, and so I'm running out if things to say. Life no longer seems fresh and invigorating, just plain dull and tiresome. I'm way too young to feel old. Trying to examine the wreckage for clues only makes the problem worse, but it's compulsive now. I feel dead and possessed by fear, of nothing at all, only things I invent because I've been in a self-imposed isolation for too long. -So I've begun speaking to a rock. I have humans to speak with, as well as pets, but I'd like to try this out for awhile and see how this rock's character develops in my mind. He has no remarkable characteristic at this moment. Very plain, grey rock. Bit lumpy, nicely weighed, still has a smidge of dirt on his bottom from when I plucked him from the backyard. I'm not sure what I'm going to name him yet, possibly Frank. Seems nice enough. All I need now are those plastic google-eyes. No leash. He is not my pet. He is my friend, or will be, at least. I want to speak with him enough that I trick my mind into believing he's real. I doubt it'll work, but it's worth a shot. -We'll become the best of friends if so, always having him in my pocket to pelt wrong-doers with, confiding my deepest secrets while staring into his lifeless, dopey eyes, even laughing whenever he makes an off-color joke. I guess I could even get him other rocks if he gets lonely, but I'd probably get jealous. For whatever reason, "jealous" autocorrected as "Hera" at first. I just thought that was mildly humorous. Either way, I hope this test is a success, because honestly, I fucking hate my real friends.
BFP2 Uploaded 02/11/2014