We live in a world where 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in their life time. Despite this statistic, when you hear about such abuse, in many cases the victim, usually the woman, is criticized for her accusations.

A really good example I have found recently is entailed here: http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/04/harvard-sexual-assault-victim-letter-crimson

The article, detailing a sexual assault victim's devestating story of struggle for not only justice but recognition, is not the only example of how little compassion there is for victims. If you scroll down to the comments you'll find a series of comments by men who, in all seriousness, defend the actions of the victims assailant, claiming she "asked for it".

I was actually brought to tears as I read the words "No doesn't mean stop completely", "she just regrets being a drunken whore, and now she wants attention", "she only told him to stop biting her breasts, she didn't say stop when he was just kissing her", "A lot less guys would get laid if they weren't so persuasive/aggressive". I didn't know it was that bad. And I know this world is a fucked up place, but I had no idea that this opinion was so widely shared amongst young men.

I am not those men, cannot relate. I can only speak from my own experience(s), when I say; this mentality is not ok. It's misguided, and extremely destructive.

I always thought I'd be able to see it coming, prevent it, and fight back if it ever happened to me. I've always been strong willed, and not afraid to say what I'm feeling. Even now I find myself looking back trying to figure out why I didn't react as planned... I still haven't officially reported any of it. It's hard to explain, but I'll do my best.

Sometimes it's gradual. Verbal persuasion, and playful persistence.... guys call this their "game". It starts out friendly, as if to give me an option. Polite rejections, excuses "I have a boyfriend" - I try to let him down easy, even try and reason with him, as if that will change his goal, or at least provide a hint. Some guys like to call this "playing hard to get" or "teasing". I find the more attractive the guy is, the more likely he is not to take rejection seriously. Often times though, it doesn't escalate any further. The guy realizes he isn't going to convince me to have sex with him, so he moves on to the next potential fuck. It was this that made me think that I had control, and choice. All I had to do was say no.... that is what they teach you in school by the way. I guess this is why it comes as such a surprise when things do escalate.

The moment an unwanted hand touches you, you freeze. All plans go out the window, and your mind races. You try to push away, but he's stronger, and as he re-instills his grip, he re-instills the fear in you. As disgusting, and wrong, as this sounds, and even if you don't want to believe me; sometimes it is just better to let him do what he's going to do, and just let it all be over as soon as possible. You don't know how much worse things can get if you fight back, and the fear of that prevents you from doing anything. You do know that you're more likely to be at least somewhat ok, if you just do what he wants. To the assailant, this is consent.... no different than if I initiated it. If he pressures you for an hour, and you finally give in, it's all good in not only his eyes, but the eyes of the majority. Add alcohol or drugs to the mix, and all bets are off. Hell, one guy even told me that I was too drunk to know what I was missing.....

There is absolutely no pleasure. It's not necessarily physically painful, it's just a matter of going through the motions for what seems to be a millennia, until finally it's over. Sometimes they'll even think you're getting into it. Fingers everywhere, mouthing all over.... it's almost like he's trying to justify his behavior.... like it's never too late to get me on board... or there's still that hope that I'll want it if only he could find my "g spot". Fucking pigs.

The trauma doesn't finish when he does. I have found myself hating me, more than I despised my assailants. "I shouldn't have gone out" "I should have known" "I should have grabbed his nut sack and ripped it off his pathetic body, and fed them to him". All the different scenarios go through your head. No matter how many alternative endings you come up with, next time, it'll be the same thing - you do nothing, say nothing, and try and move on. It's worse when you know the person, they're apart of your circle of friends, a student at your school, etc. While he's boasting of the achievement he made out of your body, the slut rumours start to spread. When people think you're a slut, this shit happens more often. Word spreads, and to all of his friends, you're easy pickin's.

Like I mentioned before, I have not reported any of these incidences. To many that would mean that I must be full of shit, and that I'm making this all up. There is no real support for women like me. The burden would be on me to prove guilt, and I know that would put my credibility, and my participation to question. I fear ending up like the poor harvard student who was swept under the rug by the establishment, and shamed by the general public. It's possible that justice would be served, but is the risk worth it? I guess it's the same fear of uncertainty that kept me compliant than that's keeping me quiet now.

I would like to say that if this ever happens again that I'll be prepared, I'll know what to do, and I'll make it out unscaved. That would be a lie. I'd panic just like all the other times, like all the other little girls. I hate to admit it, but the facts are what they are. I can't change men, I can only put up walls and make my own sacrifices to protect myself. I haven't entered a bar in years, and refuse to go to any function where there will be alcohol without the company of my husband. I don't even want to be complimented on my looks, because it reminds me of how all of those assaults started. I don't wear make-up, have only worn it once in over 2 years and that was at my wedding. I have no desire to look good, I don't want the attention.

When it comes to this topic people tend to look at the small details and will often pass judgement based on them, when really they had nothing to do with anything. Unless you've lived it, you can't know what happened to anyone else, you can't even say with righteousness, what you would do in that situation. I will admit that there are scenarios where the woman is making false accusations. I know there are girls who will wear the sluttiest clothes they can fit into, and will flirt with no intentions of "putting out". However, these women still have the right to their bodies, and there is nothing she can wear or do that would justify a sexual assault. That's like saying it's ok to steal a car if they leave the keys in it. Of course it's not smart to leave your keys in your car unattended, but that doesn't mean the thief will serve any less time in prison for grand larceny.

I would like to end this blog on two notes: If you wish to argue against this, please do. I would really like to know where this mentality really derives from. I think it's pornography personally, and the following article explains this to an extent, http://www.exposingthetruth.co/porn-is-harmful/

Also, I'd like to offer my ears to any victim of sexual assault. I believe you, and I'm here for you in any way I can. Don't be afraid to PM me, even if you just need someone to vent on.