How To Own Idiots On The Internets: Part 2
shylilazn
Published
06/28/2014
As I've mentioned in the previous part of my blog, a lot of your haters are likely going to become obsessed with you. You might think "Oh no! This guy is here for like 10 hours a day and they keep attacking me even when I'm not here to defend myself!" and you're somewhat right - they're going to keep crying about you until they wear out. What do you do? You keep feeding their obsession so that you can use them for your entertainment.
A lot of these idiots can be used to boost up your popularity, or to move the conversation at your direction. Their whiny comments make a great base for a fun flame war, especially when there's more than one of them online and they try to support each other in hating you, but also impress the other hater with their paragraphs and mad comments. Kick back, maybe grab some popcorn and enjoy the show, cause they're gonna talk about you for hours.
What do you need to know about feeding your Bitches? Here's some keywords and points you should learn.
1. "Run you off"
This is a very powerful phrase that can easily ignite your Bitch. You see them comment and say something like "Want me to run you off like I did yesterday?" As simple as that. They'll feel very offended, because not only did the person they hate make fun of them, they have also been addressed in a very demeaning way. You can run off a dog or a coward. This is great for provoking a rant, or when they get tired and don't comment for a while. They didn't comment for only 10 minutes? So what? They'll fall for it anyway and most likely try to explain themselves.
2. Feeding your bitches with misleading shit
The main thing people notice about your obsessed Bitches is that they keep saying the same stuff over and over, and this is pissing the other users off, as they may even attack your haters telling them to shut up about you or point out that they keep saying the same shit. They are simpletons, so they could use some help from you. Yes, you. You throw them a bone - make an alt and say something idiotic to one of your bitches and something contradictory to your other Bitch. How does this work? Get on your alt and say "Wow, you've been found, now people know you're John from Idaho." and your Bitch is gonna take the bait and continue talking about it. Then when your other Bitch is on, get on your different alt and attack yourself saying "Shut up, you're still here after they traced you? Everyone knows you're Steve from Chicago. Then a different story to your different bitch etc. Fun stuff. Where do you think this Jimbob from Jersey, Randy from Illionois and Jordan from California came from? wink wink
3. Whoa there!
Like with a horse, you need to control your Bitch, because a pleasant ride can go bad. A lot of people would ride their horse at full speed for hours, but that would make your horsie wear out fast. You need to keep your Bitches on a certain level of mad. You can do that using these simple phrases and words:
meltdown
you mad?
you need to calm down
The first word I mentioned can serve many purposes. If someone made more than one comment about you, you can say that they're having a meltdown, so that other users can pick it up and attack your Bitch saying that they are having a meltdown. They'll try to restrain themselves from there but their anger is too powerful and their composure is like a dam that's gonna breach at some point, flooding the board with their whine. But when your Bitch is angry and keeps crying about you for a while, usually in paragraphs, you might wanna tone them down a bit. You point out that they are having a meltdown, which they are actually having, and a lot of other users would make fun of that fact. This should make your Bitch realise that they are a bit too angry and tone down. Other great replies are "you mad? or "calm down" or "butt hurt much"? They imply that you're in control, not only did your Bitch's whimper not affect you, you also seem to be enjoying yourself. When your Bitch writes paragraphs, you might wanna use "paragraph=mad" as well.
If your Bitch melts for too long, they might realise that their whines don't have the desired effect on you and quit crying about you obsessively, which is why you should sometimes step down or...
4. Stop it!!!!
This is a very easy maneuver for pointing your obsessed Bitch at the right direction. Among the insults and speculations, you might wanna pick some you want them to concentrate on, especially the ones that don't pertain you. Example? They call you poor and you react with "Nope! I'm very rich!" The point here is to sound desperate and defensive. Even the biggest idiot is going to pick up that you somewhat care about what they've said. So they're gonna drill that subject. You can help them by saying things that would seem to be slip ups or unintentionally give out some info. Something like "Man, my car is older than me but it's still nice and I rarely drive it cause I take a bus. Those gas prices are insane." Simple and effective.
5. Alts alts alts
A widely known fact is that the obsessed bitches have a ton of alts. They seem to try and make people think that more people are hating on you, but since they're stupid, they'd make it obvious that it's them on a bunch of alternate accounts. They usually pop up simultaneously, say the same shit and... give you comments and ratings. This is especially useful on Ebaumsworld, since the number of votes not their quality counts for the popular section, for example. What do I mean? For example, a 5 star feature will go to the popular section for this month, with 50 votes and 50 000 views, but a blog with, say 1000 views and 200 one star ratings made by a butt hurt troll with alts will... put that blog even higher in the popular section. If you were asking yourself why some of my blogs have so many views, here's your answer. The main tactic here is to use people's obsession against them, and when they would spend 2 hours 1starring your shit, they are actually helping you get views. Same with obsessed comments - they cause a stir in the comment section of your blog, for example.
That's enough for this part of my brilliant blog series. I'm a professional psychologist (I finished 2 semesters of psychology at a university) and I'm a guru when it comes for handling trolls and teaching people how to do it. If you have any additional questions, go ahead and ask them in the comment section below.
A lot of these idiots can be used to boost up your popularity, or to move the conversation at your direction. Their whiny comments make a great base for a fun flame war, especially when there's more than one of them online and they try to support each other in hating you, but also impress the other hater with their paragraphs and mad comments. Kick back, maybe grab some popcorn and enjoy the show, cause they're gonna talk about you for hours.
What do you need to know about feeding your Bitches? Here's some keywords and points you should learn.
1. "Run you off"
This is a very powerful phrase that can easily ignite your Bitch. You see them comment and say something like "Want me to run you off like I did yesterday?" As simple as that. They'll feel very offended, because not only did the person they hate make fun of them, they have also been addressed in a very demeaning way. You can run off a dog or a coward. This is great for provoking a rant, or when they get tired and don't comment for a while. They didn't comment for only 10 minutes? So what? They'll fall for it anyway and most likely try to explain themselves.
2. Feeding your bitches with misleading shit
The main thing people notice about your obsessed Bitches is that they keep saying the same stuff over and over, and this is pissing the other users off, as they may even attack your haters telling them to shut up about you or point out that they keep saying the same shit. They are simpletons, so they could use some help from you. Yes, you. You throw them a bone - make an alt and say something idiotic to one of your bitches and something contradictory to your other Bitch. How does this work? Get on your alt and say "Wow, you've been found, now people know you're John from Idaho." and your Bitch is gonna take the bait and continue talking about it. Then when your other Bitch is on, get on your different alt and attack yourself saying "Shut up, you're still here after they traced you? Everyone knows you're Steve from Chicago. Then a different story to your different bitch etc. Fun stuff. Where do you think this Jimbob from Jersey, Randy from Illionois and Jordan from California came from? wink wink
3. Whoa there!
Like with a horse, you need to control your Bitch, because a pleasant ride can go bad. A lot of people would ride their horse at full speed for hours, but that would make your horsie wear out fast. You need to keep your Bitches on a certain level of mad. You can do that using these simple phrases and words:
meltdown
you mad?
you need to calm down
The first word I mentioned can serve many purposes. If someone made more than one comment about you, you can say that they're having a meltdown, so that other users can pick it up and attack your Bitch saying that they are having a meltdown. They'll try to restrain themselves from there but their anger is too powerful and their composure is like a dam that's gonna breach at some point, flooding the board with their whine. But when your Bitch is angry and keeps crying about you for a while, usually in paragraphs, you might wanna tone them down a bit. You point out that they are having a meltdown, which they are actually having, and a lot of other users would make fun of that fact. This should make your Bitch realise that they are a bit too angry and tone down. Other great replies are "you mad? or "calm down" or "butt hurt much"? They imply that you're in control, not only did your Bitch's whimper not affect you, you also seem to be enjoying yourself. When your Bitch writes paragraphs, you might wanna use "paragraph=mad" as well.
If your Bitch melts for too long, they might realise that their whines don't have the desired effect on you and quit crying about you obsessively, which is why you should sometimes step down or...
4. Stop it!!!!
This is a very easy maneuver for pointing your obsessed Bitch at the right direction. Among the insults and speculations, you might wanna pick some you want them to concentrate on, especially the ones that don't pertain you. Example? They call you poor and you react with "Nope! I'm very rich!" The point here is to sound desperate and defensive. Even the biggest idiot is going to pick up that you somewhat care about what they've said. So they're gonna drill that subject. You can help them by saying things that would seem to be slip ups or unintentionally give out some info. Something like "Man, my car is older than me but it's still nice and I rarely drive it cause I take a bus. Those gas prices are insane." Simple and effective.
5. Alts alts alts
A widely known fact is that the obsessed bitches have a ton of alts. They seem to try and make people think that more people are hating on you, but since they're stupid, they'd make it obvious that it's them on a bunch of alternate accounts. They usually pop up simultaneously, say the same shit and... give you comments and ratings. This is especially useful on Ebaumsworld, since the number of votes not their quality counts for the popular section, for example. What do I mean? For example, a 5 star feature will go to the popular section for this month, with 50 votes and 50 000 views, but a blog with, say 1000 views and 200 one star ratings made by a butt hurt troll with alts will... put that blog even higher in the popular section. If you were asking yourself why some of my blogs have so many views, here's your answer. The main tactic here is to use people's obsession against them, and when they would spend 2 hours 1starring your shit, they are actually helping you get views. Same with obsessed comments - they cause a stir in the comment section of your blog, for example.
That's enough for this part of my brilliant blog series. I'm a professional psychologist (I finished 2 semesters of psychology at a university) and I'm a guru when it comes for handling trolls and teaching people how to do it. If you have any additional questions, go ahead and ask them in the comment section below.
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