Gather around kiddies and I'll tell you the story of how I got my DWI. It was almost 4 years ago now, but I remember it like it was last Thursday.

It was a cold, snowy, mid-January night at approx. 1:20am. Me and two of my friends had been drinking 40's all night because we're just gangsta like that. One of my friends said he needed a ride home, and I told him I was good to drive (this was after 2 Shlitz Bull 40's).

I made it to his house fine and dropped him off. Me and my other friend were on the way back to my apartment and I asked him for a cigarette. The cig broke as he tried handing it to me and, for whatever reason, we started arguing about the smoke-ability of the broken cigarette. During this time my eyes weren't on the road, and the next thing I remember is a loud crash with sudden silence.

After regaining my composure, I notice a squad car in front of me. I had just t-boned a police squad car. My friend and I sat in silence. After a few minutes the two cops got out of the car (they both had to get out of the passenger side door). I said to my friend as they were walking to my car, "Let me do the talking", as if there were actually some way of talking my way out of the situation (lol dumbass).

They asked if I had been drinking and I gave the obvious answer of "Yes". After a little chit chat, they brought me back to the station to undergo urine and sobriety tests. I failed misserabley, of course. I blew a .18 and peed a .15.

To make this whole thing worse, I was in school for Law Enforcement when it happened. Needless to say, I was kicked out for 4 years.

The cops were cool about it though. They said at least they'd get a new squad car out of it (yes, I decomissoned their car), and I asked if that was premise for a pardon, but they declined.