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bicyclists and bananas

While driving, I hate bicyclists more than anything. I often pray to myself while driving that someday they'll pass a law making it legal for me to run over bicyclists. Today there was this old lady on a bicycle, taking up about 75% of the road, like bicyclists always do. She swayed with the breeze as she peddled to an easy rhythm. She took one stroke at a time while breathing in the sweet, warm summer evening air. She was also blocking the road and I couldn't get past her stupid old ass.

Before I move on, know this: the windshield washer fluid dispenser in my car tends to shoot out pretty far. Not only does it sprays its fluids all over the windshield, but all over the sides of the car and the roof as well. Peter North would be proud of my car.

At one point, I finally fucking had it with this 2 mph peddling old fart of a bitch blocking the entire road with her gay ass red bicycle with it's pussy looking wicker basket in the front. I pulled up right next to her and just started shooting my windshield wiper fluid all over the place. I nailed her and she screamed. Even though my goal was to get her away from me so that I wouldn't crash, I almost crashed from laughing at her. I sped off as she swerved into the sidewalk, along with the rest of the schmucks who don't have a car to drive.

I was pretty satisfied after that, but for some reason when I do one asshole-like thing, it leads to another. I ate a banana and left the peel on the sidewalk, like they do in Mario Kart. I've been staring out my window for the last 20 minutes eating dinner, writing this, and waiting for somebody to slip on it.

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