Reply to 'Beat your Kids'
ENWILSON is right. Let me share this with you:
I just ripped my wife's head off the other night. It went a little something like this. It was dinnertime. I went to put my daughter in her chair to eat... she threw a fit because she didn't want to go in her chair and eat. She flailed in my arms and fought back. So I put her in time out, which is the extent to which my wife ever goes in punishing her. She fought that too, again flailing in my arms and making it difficult for me to place her on her time-out bench.
To my wife's shock, I put her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, dropped her drawers and gave her a good smack on her bare ass. She immediately stopped fighting and I placed her in time-out. As I walked away, her mother went to her and tried to console her. Realizing the difference between mommy and daddy and how much she can get away with when she's with one verus the other, she resumed her fit and climbed down out of time-out without being told she could. I immediately came back, dropped her drawers and gave her a second smack on the ass, then put her back in time-out again.
Now, her time-outs are usually less than 5 minutes. A few minutes later my wife asked me, in a condescending tone, how long I planned on keeping our daughter in time out. My reply was "Until she stops throwing a fit." (She was no longer squirming or trying to escape from her time-out chair, but she was still screaming). Clearly upset with me, my wife left the room (but didn't try to contradict my decision, because she knows that once one parent puts their foot down the other MUST support the first lest the child perceive that one has authority over the other, and thus ignores the perceived subordinate and only listens to the "boss").
Minutes later, my daughter calmed down and sat quietly in her time-out with only some sobs. After sitting quietly for a minute, I went and got her, picked her up and held her for a minute until she finished sobbing and relaxed, and then put her in her chair and gave her her food. She didn't fight me, or struggle, or throw a fit. She ate quietly and after a few minutes was her happy self again. The rest of the night was uneventful.
Later on, after my daughter was in bed, my wife felt comfortable enough to challenge my methods. She told me that yelling (What she referred to as yelling was nothing more than me giving a very brief "HEY!!" when she climbed out of time out without permission. It sounded somewhat like a bark, and was loud enough to make my daughter jump from the surprise) was not constructive and only teaches our daughter that yelling is ok. Same with spanking. I asked her exactly how, then, was one to correctly discipline a child? She replied that calm gentle guidance was all that was necessary, and time-out was all the punishment she needed for misbehaving.
I flipped my lid. I told her that's exactly the kind of limp-wristed pussy bullshit that is responsible for kids today being such disrespectful little punks, with no morals to speak of and no real strength or endurance to fall back upon when times get hard. I told her that kind of parenting is why kids grow up and turn out to be like, um, HER, someone who smokes weed in front of their kid and who breaks their sacred marital oath and cheats on their spouse (yep) without so much as a second thought.
Needless to say she didn't like that answer very much, but the bottom line is that ENWILSON is right on the money. I don't know where this bullshit is coming from, but if you think you can properly raise a child without ever instilling fear of consequence in their little hearts, you're naive. Simply teaching them right and wrong will not prevent them from doing wrong. People who lie, cheat, steal or murder know that these things are wrong... they do them anyway.
Make no mistake, the thing that can be most relied upon to prevent people from doing the wrong thing... is fear of what will happen to them if they're caught, coupled with doubt that they can get away with it without being caught. My daughter loves me and I love her. Not 10 minutes after that whole episode, we were laughing and having a ball together watching Robots. But you better believe, as she grows up, whenever she considers misbehaving there will be one thought that routinely crosses her mind, a very powerful thought that will more often than not prevent her from doing the wrong thing. And that thought will be "If Dad finds out, I'm going to be in deep shit."
A note to those who are concerned about that little statement about my wife cheating. Don't worry about a thing. We're divorcing. As an adulterer she gets no alimony. We agreed to shared custody, totally 50/50, so there's no child support (unless they decide that, because things are going to be hard for her without me - and they will - that I am legally obligated to provide support. Even then it will be minimal). All of our debts are in fact her debts, and they're leaving with her. I'm going to be single and debt-free as a Sergeant in the Marine Corps, still receiving housing pay plus dependants because of my daughter.
To celebrate this fact, I bought a 2002 Corvette, 44,000 miles on it, practically mint condition. Couldn't find a thing wrong with it if you tried. She's going to go on welfare and still struggle her ass off to be able to afford all her debts without my help. The other guy, being another Marine, has been charged with adultery and demoted, placed on restriction, had pay withheld, etc. He had been planning to make a career out of the Corps, but he's a weak-hearted little bitch who doesn't have the willpower to get back on his feet after making a mistake, so now he's going to get out when his contract is up. That's fine by me, seeing as he shit all over our code of honor and is thus a disgrace to the uniform. He doesn't deserve to be a Marine, he doesn't live up to what it means to be a Marine.
So, I have no sympathy for either of them. They made their beds, and they can lie in them. I, on the other hand, will very much enjoy being single again. And my new 'vette is pure bliss to drive. Life is good.
EDIT: Someone tell me how to insert a picture into one of these, and I'll show you all my vette.