Like us on Facebook!

I Drinks a Bit

0
4

I drink a bit. Often. Sometimes a LOT. Is it a problem? Well, my car payment is $310 per month and since my DUI my insurance is $299 per month. BTW, for you older folk, a DUI (Driving Under the Influence) is the same as a DWI (Driving While Intoxicated) They changed it because "intoxicated" meant alcohol but now they can pop you for being "under the influence" of any substance they deem to have the ability to impair your judgement and slow your reflexes. I guess this means I could get a DUI on my way home from a Grande Combo meal at  the local AZTECA restaraunt. 

I pled guilty because if I were to have taken a deferred sentence, I would still have had to pay high insurance premiums, install an ignition interlock (breathalyzer) in my car, and attend a Victim Impact Panel PLUS, I would have had 2 years of treatment and AA and NO ALCOHOL!! FUCK 2 YEARS? By pleadeng guilty I still have all of the above EXCEPT for the treatment and AA. I would have been forced to remain clean and sober. I'm such an alcoholic that I plead guilty to an alcohol crime so that I could still drink alcohol!!

Another sign that I may have a drinking problem is that I have had family members and girlfriends say, "I'm concerned about your drinking." Your drinking. YOUR DRINKING??? If loved ones assign a possesive to a habbit of yours, this habbit has become a problem. Suddenly it's not just drinking, it's MY drinking. MY extra thumb. MY burn scar. It's talked of in the same manner as a physical disfigurement.

The third indicator that I might have just a bit of a problem with the sauce is the inconsistency between what I am TOLD happens at any given event, and what I REMEMBER about any given event. By event I mean barbeque, camping trip, or parent-teacher conference at my son's school. Is it wrong that at every PTA meeting I look around to see if there's a beer garden? But seriously, in any event where alcohol is served, I have a vision of myself standing in a group af hipsters (many of them hot bohemian artsy type girls aged 20-21 1/2) sipping a cocktail and wowing them with such sophisticated punch lines as. "...Then I told him ,'NO, it's not a sofa, it's a davenport!'" whereapon everyone would laugh and I'd get seduced by one of the hot chicks there.

In reality, the story I hear on Monday morning usually has me asking, "I broke WHAT??? I said WHO was a jackass??? I pulled out my WHAT??? The gravity of the situation would usually kick in as I was signing the restraining order. It suddenly became clear to me why I woke up with a black eye.

So, yeah, I think I may drink a bit too much. I no longer drive if I've been drinking even a bit. That was foolish of my part. This entry may be a bit stupid. You see... I've been drinking tonight.

ugdork Uploaded 08/29/2008
  • 583
  • 6
  • 0
  • Flag

COMMENTS

Top 5
Popular on 08/23/2011
awesome collection of funny fail videos pictures galleries and gifs