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Meet women and defeat the opposition.

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Simple tools for this operation are a "Church Key" an old fashioned can opener before pop top technology, this serves multiple uses when used properly. A cherry stem, if you're at a bar they'll have them, if you're at a small house party bring'em they're cheap and the rewards are great for mixed drinks and entertainment.

I'm assuming you want to get laid, so get yourself a drink at the counter, any drink it doesn't matter just don't get too sloshed until you've sealed the deal. While at the counter or kitchen, either get a cherry or ask for one from the bartender. Each the cherry they're good, save the stem. If you're not being noticed quickly tie the cherry stem into a neat little knot, and place it under your tongue. Take a sip of your drink make sure you're comfortable with the stem now, prepare to dazzle them.

If theres a group conversation step in and join the conversation, get attention away from any guys in the area, unless they're idiots, friends, or with their gals all men are the enemy! Attention women pay on them, is attention you're not getting, that is not good.

Crack jokes, share stories, have fun. If people have fun around you that brings attention, and once the booze is flowing you don't need to be creative for too long. Throughout all of this, that cherry stem better be pretty secure.

Ok, so you've loosened up the party is in fully swing, you should have weeded out the potentials from the hopeless chicks from the crowd now. Move on to the next part of the plan. If everyones having a good time, tell the gals if they want to see a trick. Ask someone to go get you a cherry, in fact offer a challenge everyone gets a cherry. So with cherries in hand the challenge is to tie it with your tongue, and you should be able to do this on your own, as will most other people here comes the sneaky part. Switch the tied cherry you've hidden with the untied one, wiggle it around in your mouth for a few seconds then there it is. Some people will be impressed most guys can't do that.

So now you have some people with tied stems, some with not. Those guys who can't are immediately disqualified. But there will be some still standing. Now say "Well can you now do this?" And at that take the tied stem and put it back in your mouth, switch with the un-tied stem and peek the tip of it out, and have the girl you want pull it out kiss her fingers while she does this. Have you ever seen someone untie the stem afterwards? I think not. This simple trick is a crowd pleaser if nobody was paying attention to you, they are now.

Now you've sorted out the girls to the pretty much done deals. However there may be an interloper in the crowd, a lone male whos out to cockblock he must be caught a lesson, and it must be taught fast. First off you remember the Church Key you brought? Time to put it to good use.

1. Offer a gesture of friendship, get him a beer preferably in a can. Once armed with the can open it regularly, and about 3/4 of an inch down from the opening of the can use the Church Key to pop a little tiny hole where the label is, it should be undectable. When he goes to take a swill the beer will pour out down his chin, onto his clothes and being already buzzed all will think he's drunk and a slob. Humiliated he will retreat leaving you to claim your prize.

If you want to get REALLY brutal I mean you want to destroy this guy right, before  you give the guy the beer pour some out, then piss in it. Not only will his breath stink but once on his clothes it'll smell like he pissed himself, if he takes the drink while sitting some of the beer will get onto his groin as well.

The same trick minus the piss, just the hole in the can, can be used on girls if they're wearing a white shirt, or at least give you a late night option to wash their shirt for them, but thats really a desperate shot.

And there ya have it, simple tricks for the desperate, and hopeless. Remember guys if you're not good looking you gotta be clever.

Yes I have tried these, and yes they work.

And the dance team from my highschool will never talk shit about me again, because they all drank my piss.

Girls on this site, I'm really sorry if anyone uses these tricks on you.

 

mynameisnobody Uploaded 09/09/2008
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