The Slap And Tickle
This is a little tale to explain how oblivious some people are and the strange events that developed from said oblivion. I, for some strange reason, use a lot of curious phrases such as "Nod a wink nudge nudge" and "slap and tickle". Most of the people in my field of engineering were a little "geeky" when they were younger and they usually know exactly where phrases like this originated. This make my use of them acceptable and no one asks questions. However, my wife and some of her friends were the cheerleader type when they were younger. Thus while my friends and I were watching Monty Python they were listening to Ronnie James Dio and fluffing their bangs up five inches above their forehead. Now you can easily imagine the social gap between our two circles of friends.
Last night we had several of our "couple" friends over and all was rolling along nicely. The men were discussing the stunning Florida state centerfold in the new Playboy and the women were discussing something to do with giant cocks (seriously they were). We were all being quite loud and drunk when all of a sudden I blurt out near the top of my lungs "I would love to give her the old slap and tickle". Well of course it happened in one of those super quiet lulls in the conversation so there I stand with everyone's complete attention and the silence was deafening. It was one of those moments you wish you could just walk away from and pretend it never happened.
A moment passed and I thought it was just going to slip on by when my wife's friend inquires "why would you slap someone and then tickle them?". She was completely serious. Then two of the other wives chimed in with the same inquiry. I attempted to quickly explain that it was a euphemism for sex and that it didn't have anything to do with their conversation. Well I'll be damned if that was a sufficient answer and the question changed to "I can understand the spanking but why would you tickle someone during sex?". Now this was just getting ridiculous so the men went back to out conversation.
We are all married and we all have an inexorable ability to tune out our wives so we were oblivious to their new heated discussion for several minutes. All of a sudden my auditory shield lowered as a went to get another scotch and I realized that all of the wives were in deep conversation about their own fetishes and desires. Well I of course tuned right into that and signaled the other husbands to come over by the bar to listen to.
As it turns out our seemingly mild mannered wives with their Capri pants and comfortable shoes still have a lot more of the old spark to them than I thought. Needless to say after listening for about ten minutes everyone there was starting to get good and hot. Luckily one of the wives got to the melting point first (since they control when and where we can go) and she excused herself and her husband to go make good on the moment. The sentiment immediately spread through the room and in the course of about five minutes out house was empty. My wife and I both showed a newly renewed sense of vigor and vitality as we went at each other and let me tell you we were one tired pair and hour or so later.
I guess the moral of this story is talk about sex often and in detail because I am certain that you will have more great sex that way. So go home tonight and give your wife, girlfriend, husband, or boyfriend the old "slap and tickle".