Bad Day, written by Drew Fischer
I had a bad day ....every day. Let me explain something. You know how everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and our own views on things are what makes us special? Well save the special for the short bus because in my mind I am right about everything and everyone else is wrong.Sorry but thats how I feel and really I am not that sorry.
See Tia went and saw that new Sam Jackson movie. Say hi to Tia everyone. And yes Tia it is in fact your choice of film that has put me in such a sour mood. And since you went I know you would not have gone alone so that means that more than one person in the world saw that film and therefore it actually made a bit of money.
That has to be the worst looking movie in the history of films. I can not comprehend that anyone anywhere would go and see it. I mean I have to share the roads with these people. I can only hope you were very drunk and it was a lapse of judgement, like that stripper I...nevermind. And I can only hope that Sam Jackson was very drunk when he signed on to make the film. And I can only hope the ten year old that wrote it broke in to the liquor cabinet and was really drunk when he came up with the story. And I can only hope I am very drunk now and this was all an alcohol induced hallucination.
Hmmm, I need cheering up. Lets see....
MEGA MAN 9!!! Look it up. Thats a new game built to look just like a classic NES game. Sooooo awesome. Brings me back to when I was five and didn't care about anything. Unlike now where I am 25 and ...don't care about anything.
Anyway its not just the movie that upset me today. I bought the girlfriend Rock Band 2. I was startled when I saw that the new Guns N Roses song was in the game. Seriously? Finally after all these years we are going to hear what Axl has been plugging away at. I didn't wait to unlock it in the game. I jumped on the net and searched Shackler's Revenge and cranked that baby up and....it sucked worse than anything that has come before.
I don't believe that this was something Axl made. I don't believe he has been working at all. I believe that an obsessed fan captured him and for ten years has been prodding him and slowly cutting him with various tools and yelling "SING TECHNO" until finally Axl caved. And thats what we get. Axl Rose being held hostage trying to sound like Nine Inch Nails. We should send help but you know...we are playing Rock Band.
My cats keep puking on everything. Seems thats what cats do moreso than anything else. And its always on something important. Whole room is empty on a tile floor with the exception of my very small Pac Man carpet that I had to order from friggin' Timbuktu. Of course cat walks right to the carpert and "blarrrrgggghhhh". Thanks. Oh its time to file your tax return and you do the math and look how much cash you are getting back and than "Blarrrrgggghhh" gee thanks Sheba now I can do all that math again.
Also my dog keeps licking frogs and starts foaming at the mouth all the time. Its impossible to clean too as he just keeps foaming for like two hours....wait that gives me an idea...FOAM PARTY at Drew's house!!!! WOOOOOOOO!!!
So back to music , Rock Band and Guitar hero are like the two big deals these days. So Guitar Hero wanted to counter the exclusive Guns N Roses track on Rock Band so they added a huge exclusive of their own. The new Smashing Pumpkins track! (crickets chirp). So here is the thing here though, Pumpkins are my favourite band ever. I love them. Its just this recent stuff with Zwan and the solo Corgan record killed their relevance today. But I swear to you that new Pumpkins album Zeitgeist was really good. Seriously. So I was excited for that one and thought it would calm my pain after the Guns N Roses incident (the Spahgetti incident? Ahhhahahaha...couch cough...tough crowd).
It sucked too.
And so I sit here crying myself to sleep every night going "what happened to music, why is Rihanna the only performer left alive". Than it happened. I turned on the tv and they said "up next, the new track from New Kids on the Block". We laughed and waited for the snare drum....Nothing. They were serious. And I checked the charts...people bought it.
I have no faith in humanity.
I have felt this way ever since a job situation many moons ago. I am a personal trainer which means this. I make no money at all due to other peoples laziness. That may be a bit of a dark spin on it but when you strip it down if people don't get up and call me I don't go to work that day. So in my financial turmoil I got a job doing something else a while back. I got a job working for DARE!
DARE is a program to keep kids off drugs. We have all seen the shirts. We have all punched the guy outside Wal Mart who wants you change for the poor addict kids. Well, that was me!!!!! See they interviewed me and told me I would be talking to teens about the perils of drug abuse and I thought "My God, this is something I could really do! Something I can feel good about!". It was lies! They took me out to work in the field. The field was Canadian Tire and the job was begging the customers at the exit to give us money for DARE. And here folks is where I lose faith in everything. They take me to lunch and tell me the way I get paid. I don't. I only get paid on how much shit I sell that says DARE on it. But but but, people donate money to the charity to get those things right! Wrong! Only like fifteen percent of it goes to the charity, the rest goes to the company and the majority to me!
I quit the first day.
When i eat peaches I get sick.
And why the fuck is it so cold out? Seriously, I had a cigar last night and nearly froze to death. I thought we had global warming now, why the hell isn't it working? We got nukes that can blow up entire countries, the robots in Transformers looked real, and I can see all the naked ladies I want on the internet but we can't stop it from getting cold when i wanna be outside? Soooo gay!
Speaking of the naked ladies on the internet, how come all of them are bruised? Let me tell you a story. About two weeks ago my girlfriend and I decided we were going to go play paintball as neither of us have ever done it before and believe me after spending day after day with her I just wanna shoot her right in the....sorry. So we got ready than she says "oh but you have to wrestle in two days and it bruises! I thought "willickers, we can't possibly be bruised at a wrestling show". Seriously this is the way I think, if your job is entertainment then you should look nice when you are doing it. And this is in a buisness where I fight and get thrown on concrete floors and punshed in the face. Yet the pron stars can be all beat up? Shouldn't they look like living barbie dolls? If you are in to that fine but me, I like my porn nice and clean...
Everyone I know hates everyone I know so I can only hang out with one person at a time.
I read Watchmen and absolutely loved it. So good. Can't wait for the movie. Still though after reading it with the amount of things that are written just as narration and chapters of just text I really wonder how the hell the flick is gonna flow. Looks sweet though.
I have to drive to Strathroy this weekend and its like three hours away and that sucks but I love to wrestle more than anything so I will do it. And so would any worker. Still though driving is retarded. Anyone who likes it is crazy. Thats why i believe that the first real life Star Trek inspired teleporter will not be invented by a scientist but by a pro wrestler. And than and only than will the people start watching wrestling again. Thats right, it won't take another Steve Austin, it'll take a teleporter!!!
All my pants have holes in them. I think I may become a reverse stripper. I would start naked and than nobody would want to see it so they would throw me new clothes to put on. Success! Unless I was all bruised up from wrestling and everybody did want to see it cause bruising seems to be what the kids are in to these days.
Hmmm...that was a pretty bitter note. Better smooth it over. If you are on my facebook then you are one of the good ones. I like you people. Its everyone else who is the scum.
And in closing anybody looking for a room in Barrie, I have a few for rent, and anyone wanting a free week at Snap Fitness in Barrie get in touch with me right away!