William Halby, a 77-year-old Brooklyn lawyer, has been ordered to pay tens of thousands of dollars in back taxes after claiming over $300,000 for prostitutes, porn, and sex toys on his tax returns.

Halby felt his claims were reasonable ones. "I was depressed," Halby said. "I live a solitary life. I have no social life. I needed that release. Over the years, I've been with dozens of girls for full-body massage with . . . happy ending."

He claimed that $2,173 spent on porn was "to enhance sexual performance in lieu of taking Viagra." He also felt lubes, condoms and nipple clamps were reasonable deductions.

"It must be noted that portions of [Halby's] 'sex therapy' were, in fact, sex for a fee, in violation of penal law," Administrative Law Judge Brian Friedman decided.

"Illegal treatments cannot be included in expenses," an auditor added. "In addition to being illegal in New York state, these expenses are not substantiated with receipts."

Halby's professional specialty: tax law. I'm not kidding!