Tonight on the Wallsheep Newshour, OBAAAAmas numbers are slipping, Wallboy is the victim of blAAAsphemy, and another key OBAAAAma supporter is felled by their links to shady characters.
Up first, Hillbillies are mAAd about the loss of the Hippie dream and rising credit card rates. Bo-Hank Eeton, of Podunk, Pennsyltucky, ranted and raved as usual but really nobody cares about weirdo hillbillies, like BAAAnd teachers from Idaho. In related news, many residents of Podunk and anthills just like it are joining together to protest by finally bathing, which comes as a relief to Tyaeda. The protests have been slow starting however, as people like Mr. Eeton still primarily communicate by tin can and string, and partly because none of them actually owns a bar of soap.
We just mentioned Tyaeda and her odiferous issues. Meanwhile she also made great strides toward her quest to prove herself female to a bunch of weirdos, by stupidly agreeing to being stalked by the worst one of them all, RJM. Calls to Tyaeda for further comment were answered by some disheveled weirdo wearing only a raincoat and breathing hard into the phone.
Finally, for our local segment, there is a new vigilante seeking justice in town, calling himself Pigeon Man. It is believed that he is responsible for up to 20% of public defecation in the metropolitaaan area, the other 80% belonging to the bullshit coming out of Wallboys mouth. Police had been referring to the vigilante as The Nobel Prize Committee because his shit seemed random and undeserved.
Well be back after this commercial
HEY KIDS! DO YOU FEEL DOWN SOMETIMES? DO YOU GET DISTRACTED AT SCHOOL? THEN WE HAVE THE ANSWER FOR YOU!
NEW AND IMPROVED PROZAC CHEWABLES MAKE THE DAY A HAPPY PLACE, WHILE RITTALIN M&Ms WILL GET YOU THOSE AS MOMMY DEMANDS IN ORDER FOR YOU TO GET THAT OY YOU SO RICHLY DESERVE!
ASK THAT OLDER KID THAT HANGS OUT BY THE FENCE OVER BY THE DUMPSTER ABOUT IT TODAY!
It has come to the attention of the Wallsheep NewsHour that Joe Chemo, of recent spamming charges, has now committed an act of high treason against WAAAAllboy. Careful anal-usses (BAAAAd joke I know) of the photograph seen here: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/80790239/ has indeed been FAKED! Though it would appear to be our beloved Waaall at the wheel, it is indeed just his head sh00pt in on the vans window. Further damning the credibility is the fact that HAAAnah MontAAAna is primarily followed by young girls, and thus would not be a ruse Wallboy would want to use.
Elsewhere in the NAAAAtional scene, Wallboy took further damaging steps today, once just by opening his mouth and trying to be Sheepish, if you will ;) and faaaaailing miserably. It has also been reported that, much like Rush Limbaughs force-out at ESPN, Keith Olbermann has been asked to resign by NBCs Football Night in America due to his potential connections to the pedophilic band teacher in Idaho. The connection was entirely fabricated, like much of the news, by Big1009, but NBC wasnt taking any chances.
Why? Because since Wallboys been standing up for OBAAAAma, his poll numbers have crashed dramatically, from his complete landslide victory in Novemebrs election (landslide here being used in the relative sense of at least we didnt have to recount 400,000 votes just to be sure this time not the absolute Reagan in 1984 sense) to the point where almost half the country doesnt like what hes doing. Of course as long as FAUX NEWS is on the air, spreading lies, then its THEIR fault, not OBAAAAmas, even though most of the country still doesnt watch the damn network.
Well be back after this:
HI MY NAME IS LOVEGURU AND I THINK ITD BE CUTE IF I SPAMMED YOUR BLOG SECTION BECAUSE THATS A SUBTLE WAY TO PROMOTE MY SHITTY PRODUCT BECAUSE I HAVE NO MONEY AND THE GUYS ON SHARKTANK THREW OUT MY THROX IDEA SO PLEASE GIVE ME HITS, TWO MILLION MORE AND I GET A NICKEL THANKS!
Finally, an unbiased moment from Wallsheep.
Aaanything thaats wrong with this CUNTry is the fault of BUSHIE JUNIOR and the REPUBLITARDS. Anything Good comes from the one source of all good, O BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAma. So no matter whats good or BAAAAd the credit goes where I wAAAnt it. And whaats better, unlike when Slick Willy Jefferson was in the Big House er, WHITE er BLACK The place where the president lives anyway, we aint gotta make up numbers or take credit where it isnt due, well just use the Orwellian concepts laid out in 1984 to meet our ends, while our friends in the media (SO NOT THOSE LIARS FAUX NEWS JUST THE PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH US TOTALLY) can make the REPUBICDROIDS the bad guys. Just like how I used infantile jokes and toilet humor while making ridiculous claims and bitch about others doing the same back to me. HUMBLE AS FUCK.
And thats the way WE ALL see it, or OBAAAma will raise our taxes.
P.S. I hope the ads are tied to the tags, cause if so lulz shall ensue!