What is and what should be...

People on eBaums often put up those wacky “still on the books” laws. Maybe what we really need is a list of laws that SHOULD be on the books.

If you are given a limp disgusting hamburger that looks nothing like the one on the menu then should fix it or give you a double refund for wasting your time.

When you go to see any stock broker or investment banker, they should be required to inform you that if you are an average person then you should expect the same results as if you take your money to a reliable casino.

People who have incurable sexual diseases like HIV or Herpes should be required to get a tattoo warning others in a discrete but detectable place, such as just above their genitalia.

The amount of kids you should be allowed to have should be a math function based on your net worth and IQ. Rich people have no trouble getting kids what they need. Smart people can always figure out a way to get what they need. Rich smart people like Bill Gates could have thousands of kids if he wants them. On the other hand, people who appear on Judge Judy shouldn't be allowed to take care of a goldfish, let alone a child.

If you are in a supermarket and try to enter the “Ten Items Or Less” line with a full shopping cart, the cashier is then required to pull a lever dropping you into the pit of despair.

Over the counter cold remedies should be required to add “and that's about it” to their warning labels. (WARNING: This product causes drowsiness and that's about it. It will not help your cold.)

Anyone caught driving their car in bike/bus lanes just to pass other drivers should be forced to donate their vehicle to a charity of the court's choosing.

Cable and appliance repairmen should be required to give you a specific time when they will arrive. If they are late, then you should be credited a discount on your purchase proportional to the time you lost while waiting for them.

Employees for the department of public works should be required to post a sign saying why they are tearing up the street and what jobs have been assigned for which number of men. After all, the city requires people doing construction on their own homes to put up a notice. I should be able to see why thirteen guys are standing around watching one other guy dig a hole.

Software companies should use warning labels, just like drug companies. It should list what programs the software is incompatible with, and it should specify how often the program crashed in beta testing. (WARNING: This program is incompatible with MacAffee products and will cause your computer to crash 30% of the time.)

People over the age of sixty should be required to chew with their mouths closed. Since when did someone start telling senior citizens that just because you're old you don't have to be polite anymore.

By all means, add your own ideas for laws that would help everyone out in the comments. Then maybe we can e-mail the whole thing to the 111th congress and see if we get anywhere.

Uploaded 11/08/2008
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