Global Warming.

ManBearPig is REAL! We're super-duper SERIAL!
The power of imagination.
 Is it hot in here, or is it OH MY GOD!
 Science? We don't need no stinking science!
 You say summer. We say RUN!
 We cant believe we get paid to do this, either.
Can everyone on Dailykos be wrong?
 Its Bush's fault.

 

MSNBC.

We love it here! (Please help us. We're trapped in Keith's basement.)
 Sorry your remote broke.
 If its even remotely related to reality you're probably watching VH1 again.
 When Ed says voter fraud is cool he means that in a good way.
 Like Fox News without all those high-calorie facts.
We promise, Olbermann's only an hour.
Yes, Maddow looks like that on purpose.
 Liberal talking points  we don't write em, we just read em.
 FEEL THE TINGLE!
 It's Bush's fault.

 

The New York Times.

Remember us?
 We were cool before email.
 We were cool before mail mail.
 You have to go somewhere during Department of State attacks on Drudge.
 Print is so relevant!
 So much more than Jayson Blair.
 Check out our Pulitzers!
 All the talking points fit to print.
 Like the USA Today, without those distracting colors.
 Its Bush's fault.

 

CNN.

We used to be awesome.
 Darth Vader does our voice-overs.
Like us, or we'll send Carville to your house.
 Were so tired. So very, very tired.
 Ted Turner has left the building.
 Our ratings are still better than MSNBCs.
 Its Bush's fault.

 

Nancy Pelosi.

Blinking is overrated.
Draining the swamp, one thimble at a time.
 The miracle of Botox.
 I love poor people! They keep my houses clean!
 Its Bush's fault.

 

Harry Reid.

Compared to Obama, I'm John McCain.
 Compared to Pelosi, I'm Barry Goldwater.

 

John Kerry. America woke up just in time:

Yooooou raaaang?

 

Al Gore.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!
 Do the bolts in my neck show?
Have Oscar, will travel (by private jet)!
 RRRRRAAARRRRRRR! FIRE! BAAAAAAD!

 

John Edwards.

(singing) The kid is not my son! (It IS my daughter, however.)
I am dedicated to ending the disparity between rich and AMBULANCE!
 I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!
 Are they still hiring for a new Breck Girl?

 

The Ground Zero Mosque.

Jihad, American Style!
Join us Fridays for Osama's Greatest Hits, followed by bingo!
 When we say Allahu! you say Akbar!

 

Barack Obama.

Like Carter, except I don't hate Jews that much.
 Quiet, or Michelle will hear you.
 What can brown do for you?
 I cant believe nobody noticed I lifted my campaign strategy from The Distinguished Gentleman.
 It's this or President Joe Biden.
I'm not asking you,  I'm TELLING you.
 Kenya, Hawaii whats the difference?
 Its Bush's fault.
 Did I mention its Bush's fault?