Women MUST Know, Right?

I'm not trying to be funny here, this is just a bit of a rant, about the women in my life. Only one or two is about my wife. "I'm a poet and didn't..."

There are only a few reasons why a guy actually LIKES talking on the phone for more than a minute.

1-The conversation will lead to some sex eventually.

2-The conversation will lead to money eventually.

3-We are talking to our mothers or our grandparents.

Don't ever call a guy just to see, "What's up?" If it has nothing to do with the three rules at the top, don't call us unless it's necessary information that can be conveyed is a very short time span. Phones are for making plans, not substitutes for a real social life.

Do NOT return my text with the letter K for okay. You are a big girl that graduated high school that knows how to write out a full sentence, especially since your phone has a full keyboard.

Do NOT do the baby-talk/imaginary conversation thing to the animals. Example, "I Love you Pookie. Well I love you too, snook-ums." It's not cute or funny to anyone around you. It makes you look a little bit insane and retarded.

Maybe if you were paying less attention to your phone you might have not ran that red light camera and have gotten stuck with a $175 ticket. Thanks for being the catalyst for new anti-mobile phone laws.

That passive-aggressive behavior will push away everyone that cares about you. Don't be the corpse the state runs ads for in the paper looking for someone to claim the body.

I can't believe you spent 42 cents on a stamp to get a replacement coupon for some frozen vegetables that you though were bad that cost $1.49. Was it really worth the effort?

Here's the biggie.

If you are a 55+ year old woman do NOT EVER wear high heels. Your ass is NEVER going to look good again. You look stupid! Don't wear a dress that shows cleavage so that we can see your age spots and sagging skin and those empty duffel bags that used to be your breasts. And tone down the fucking make-up! You are starting to look like you are entering a drag show!

I know a female human like that. I'd call her a lady, but she is anything but.

There, I feel better now. Feel free to post insults to me in the comment box at the bottom. You know they keep me up at night.
Uploaded 10/07/2010
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