Xtreme Foods

Ive noticed a trend where extreme foods have been omitting the "e" at the beginning of "extreme" to create "xtreme." This kind of marketing equates proper spelling with brainiac nerds who don't snowboard off mountains in order to "Do the Dew."

I would do that Dew so hard.

(Above: Man does the Dew)

I remember when food was something you ate. But after the 1990s Xtreme Food Revolution, food became a no-holds-barred taste challenge. See the chart below for changes in flavor standards:

This graph is originally from the New York Hall of Science

Here I present a few examples of foods that have joined the Xtremist food group.

Xtreme Pringles
Among the most dangerously awesome flavors to be irresponsibly released on the market is Xtreme Pringles.

I once beat a burglar unconscious with a Pringles tube.

Regular Pringles come in a tube container for compact storage. Packaging indicates that Xtreme Pringles come in a tube container because theyre a pipe bomb.

(Above: Marketing clearly indicates that purchase of this product is a death-wish.)

I don't even think youre supposed to eat these Pringles. The canister probably just detonates and flavor shrapnel embeds itself into your body.

Xtreme Sour Straps

The packaging implies that Xtreme Sour Straps are not just plain candy, but a container of sour-power-to-the-max thatll make you wish your taste buds had never been born.

WARNING: Puckering caused by xtreme sourness may lead to face implosion.
(Above: Crack open a pack of these bad boys and watch your career counselor flee for his life as bolts of sour lightning come striking down.)

I've even seen commercials that imply Xtreme Sour Straps have a transformative effect on users and their environments.

And then my chest hair had sex with women.
(Above: Sour Straps will transform your pathetic flesh and blood body into an exploding car.)

Xtreme Community Crave Flake (1 ounce) Fish Food
This is the closest fishfood gets to pepperoni pizza.

They even have extreme fish food. I guess you'd buy Xtreme Community Crave if youre tired of your fish swimming around all the time and want them to BMX instead.

Only 3 fish were harmed in the making of this image.

You could buy XCC, but your fish are probably already dead from your filling their aquarium with Mountain Dew.

Uploaded 05/23/2012
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