An Open Letter from Santa to Congress


With the New Year approaching and Christmas so near
We see things not expected at this time of year
We find more apprehension and less Christmas Spirit
And so much bad news that we don't wish to hear it
Our failing economy is taking its toll
As we find ourselves sinking in a deepening hole
If you think that's depressing, you ain't heard nothin' yet
'cept some whiney CEO's brought by corporate jet
I'll be bringing the real scoop on my corporate sleigh
I'll be stopping in DC on this Christmas Day
Will you be there to listen, or just turn a deaf ear
Here is just a small sample of what you'll likely hear

To all members of Congress, both the House and the Senate
Once again you have shown how you're prone to step in it
You have bickered and quarrelled and frittered away
But provided no answers which might help save the day
Not your un-honored promises, too numerous to mention
With no real thought given, and no follow-through
It's just, "Do as I say, and not as I Do"
$700 Billion for fat cats to get fatter
What they should have received is their heads on a platter
Now they give no accounting of just what they have done
With the taxpayers' money, from the taxpayers' fund
Another $15 Billion, give or take one or two
For the "Big Three" who must show just what they will do
With the relative pittance you see fit to provide
Oops! This news flash just in, that proposal has died
Or to be more correct, it has been sabbotaged
Since they sold us all cars too large to be garaged
The Hummer, Suburban, Escalade and Explorer
The Yukon, the Crew Cab and so many morer
At 8 miles per gallon, and $4 bucks for the same
Seems that YOU and the Oil Companies are winning this game
What is needed to stop this, and turn it around
Is some real "Leadership" in this "Governing" town

As for me, I have problems enough of my own
My income has shrunk while expenses have grown
My retirement's been postponed for hundreds of years
As my 401 statement has reduced me to tears
The ice caps are melting, the oceans are rising
My to do list increasing, my suppliers downsizing
The Unions are organizing my once helpful elves
While my warehouses house only half-empty shelves
My reindeer are losing their ability to fly
Rudolph's nose has gone dark and we just don't know why
My healthcare expenses have gone plumb out of sight
And Homeland Security restricts my Christmas Eve flight
I'm normally cheerful, quite a jolly old soul
But this year George gets only ONE lump of coal
And unless YOU wake up and get off of your duffs
You'll be facing constituents who have had quite enough
Of your smug indecision and partisan crap
Then the entire electorate will collectively snap
They'll be happy, elated, even quite overjoyed
To issue a ballot making YOU unemployed
So consider this letter, and ponder its verse
With YOUR proven track record, things can only get worse
I suggest YOU reflect on just why YOU are here
And start doing what's right for the U.S. next year
Or, laying middle finger aside of my nose
I'll see, next election, that EVERYONE goes

S. Claus

(As dictated to J. Warren Hiett)
Uploaded 12/24/2008
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