Bible Quiz

Pat and Mike, two old Irish, buddies were looking for some way to make some extra drinking money when they spotted a sign outside the local church that read, "Lawnsman Wanted - Part Time."

"This is great!" said Mike, "we can both fill the job and make the money faster that way."

The Vicar, who was standing nearby said, "No, gents, the job is for one only, and he must meet the requirements; both horticulturally and spiritually."

Pat stated, "Well now, Vicar, ya know that both Mike and meself are farmers, so we should qualify."

"'Tis true," said the Vicar, "but you still have to pass the spiritual test. I'll ask each of you three questions and the one who gets the most correct will get the job. Agreed?"

Both Pat and Mike nodded in approval.

"Good," said the Vicar. "Pat, come on in, we'll start with you."

As they settled in the Vicar said, "Now don't get nervous, these are easy. Okay, first question. What did Moses carry with him at all times?"

"Uh," stammered Pat. "I'm not sure. A Bible, maybe?"

"No, I'm sorry," said the Vicar. "Moses always had a staff with him. You know, a kind of walking stick. Next question, How did Joshua bring down the walls of Jericho?"

"Ah, but that's easy," smiled Pat. "He used a big bulldozer, fer sure."

"I'm afraid bulldozers weren't around yet then, Pat," sighed the Vicar. "His people blew their horns 'til the walls came tumbling down." Looking a bit worried the Vicar said, "Okay, I'll give you a very easy one. What were Jesus' parents' names?"

"No fair, Vicar," said Pat, "that's two questions in one."

"Mary and Joseph," said the Vicar remorsefully."I'm sorry, Pat, but I don't think you are qualified for the position. Please, go outside and send in Mike."

When Pat met with Mike he said, "He's asking some real tuffies in there, but don't worry. I remember the answers. Get something to write them down on before I forget," said Pat quietly.

Mike looked around and could only find an old circular saw handy. "I'll scratch them into the sawdust on this saw," he said.

Pat gave Mike the answers and in went Mike.

"What took you so long?" asked the Vicar, heading towards the door.

"Oh, I was just seeing if I might be able to fix this saw," said Mike.

"Okay, then, let's get started," said the Vicar while sitting down. "To be fair I will ask you the same questions I asked Pat. Okay?"

Mike nodded in agrement. When asked the first two questions Mike fiddled with the saw in his hands as if he were trying to see what was wrong it, and gave the Vicar the answers straightway. Before the Vicar could ask the third question, however, Mike dropped the saw, causing a great load of sawdust to fall off it onto the floor.

"Sorry, Vicar," said Mike, "go ahead with the questioning."

"It really doesn't matter," said the Vicar, "you have already answered both the first two which is two more that Pat at this stage."

"No, I insist," said Mike. "Just to be fair."

"Fine," said the Vicar. "What were Jesus' parents' names?"

"Well now, Vicar," said Mike beaming as he held the saw in front of him, "as sure as I'm Mike O'Flarity their names were Black and Decker."
Uploaded 03/17/2009
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Tags: irish