Chuck Norris Facts

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.

As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge

Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.

In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked

There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.

Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.

Chuck norris doesnt go at the speed of light, he goes at the speed of Norris

When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris make onions CRY!!!
Uploaded 05/24/2009
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Tags: chuck norris