Chuck Norris Jokes D

Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody.

When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down

The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It's not because he's scared of the dark - it's Because the dark is scared of him.

There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.

The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every night.

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror, it breaks because it is smart enough to know not to get in the middle of Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris

A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.

When girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.

Chuck Norris has clicked the unclickable button... twice

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cuking Indian.

There is no 'Ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control

Who would win the race between Ironman and Superman to the moon?

Chuck Norris
Uploaded 06/25/2009
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