Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience

Chuck Norris likes his women the way he likes his whiskey: twelve years old and mixed up with a little coke

One day a terrorist attempted to hi-jack Chuck Norris' private jet. It was this day that the world record for how far a cowboy boot could be shoved up an ass was broken.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, because that word implies the chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' name by birth was Switchblade Killsalot. He change his name to Chuck Norris because he found it more intimidating.


Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,t o remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

When God finished creating the heavens and Earth, he looked down at his creation from heaven and exclaimed, "Holy fuck is that Chuck Norris?!"