"A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on."
-Joe E. Lewis

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks just as much as you do."
-Dylan Thomas

"I envy people who drink...At least they know what to blame everything on."
-Oscar Levant

"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?"
-W.C. Fields

"One reason I don't drink is so I'll know when I'm having a good time."
- Nancy Astor

"Work is the curse of the drinking class."
-Oscar Wilde

"I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up."
-Dean Martin

"In fact, it only takes one drink to get me wasted. I just can't remember if that one is the thirteenth or fourteenth."
-George Burns