Great Chuck Norris jokes Part 1
boss429babi
Published
11/01/2008
-Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
-Chuck Norris once ran so fast, he went all the way around the world and punched himself in the back of the head.
-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
-The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
-When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
-Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
-Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
-Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
-Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
-One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
-Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
-Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
-Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
-Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
-Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
-Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
-Chuck Norris once ran so fast, he went all the way around the world and punched himself in the back of the head.
-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
-Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
-Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
-The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
-When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.
-If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
-Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.
-Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger.
-Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.
-Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
-A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
-When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
-Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
-One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
-Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
-Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
-Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
-Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
-When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
-Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
-Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
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