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Irony can be PAINFUL!

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds acouple in bed. The man orders the husband out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed the convict gets on top of her,kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: 'Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probablyspent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how hekissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guyis obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Bestrong, honey. I love you!' His wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had anyVaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love youtoo.'
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